The Good Girl Confessional

Tales from behind the picket fence

The very Bridget life of the Good Girl

By 2 Comments

Daniel Cleaver

Just as you are?

Not thinner? Not cleverer?

Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose?

BRIDGET: Mm-mmm.

Well…fuck me.

Scene from Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)

 

As the next Bridget Jones film in the franchise is about to launch, fifteen years after the original, I’ve decided to come clean about something. The thing is, a much as I like to think I’m a red hot single mama,  I’m definitely more Bridget Jones than Dita Von Teese. Don’t get me wrong, I am most definitely a red blooded woman, who is both open and sexual. You only need to look at my earlier posts, like Love Me, Love my Vagina…but I digress. I’ve just come to understand that the reason I could always feel an infinity with Bridget Jones is because, actually I’m very much like an Australian version of her.

When I started this blog 4 years ago, way before the Producer came along, I talked a lot about seeking my own Mr Darcy. Of course I had the glorious Colin Firth in mind when I talked of Darcy…and more the Bridget Jones version of him (even in a reindeer sweater) than the Jane Austen classic. Obviously I wasn’t too clear with the universe, because in meeting the Producer, what I actually got was more Daniel Clever of the Hugh Grant variety…all bad boy hormones but not enough emotional intimacy to keep the relationship going.

In fairness to me, and to the Producer, our love affair started out with incredible sparks, and he made me laugh…a lot. He will thrilling and the sex was incredible. I adored his arse. That’s the thing about bad boys. Sometimes they start out irresistible and end up…well, just bad for you, even with the best of intentions on both sides. Man, we loved each other, but love alone is not enough.

“Come on, Jones, for God’s sake. You’re sexy. You make me laugh…at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best shag I ever had…”

Daniel Cleaver (Bridget Jones – The Edge of Reason (2004)

Bridget Jones Diary of course started out as novel written by Helen Fielding in 1996. By the time the film adaptation came to life, Fielding had sold millions of copies of her book worldwide. People couldn’t get enough of Bridget, a woman in her thirties who chronicled her entire life – from family, friends, career, her weight struggles and, of course, her love life. British Bridget is of course played to perfection by American actress, Renee Zellweger.

Bridget, for me, seemed like the “every woman”. She just made sense. She was goofy and endearing, and felt accessible. I simply wanted her to be okay because in truth she reminded me in some ways of me. I have similar characteristics. We are both, for example curvy women, with quirky tastes in literature, men and the odd drink. Our cooking skills are dubious and we like bad men.  I often lament about giving up wine and losing some kilos, just as she does. While Bridget penned a diary, I write a blog about much the same thing. My dating, my weight, my friends and my ridiculous optimism that my very own Mark Darcy might be out there.

As much as I like to think I’m quite all together in some ways, I’ve had some extraordinary Bridget like moments. Most recently was on my way to a black tie event in Melbourne. I’d had my make-up done by a gorgeous young make-up artist, my hair was great and I had donned a classic black lace dress, over my Bridget style spanx…(oh, come on, we’ve all got a pair hidden in the back of the knickers drawer!)… and spiky patent leather heels. When I jumped into the cab, I felt like it was a Cinderella moment of epic proportions. Honestly, there was almost a Hollywood screen reel running in my head and I was loving myself sick for the first time in a long time. Oh Good Girl, you’re back, baby!

Whilst in the cab, the phone rang and on the other side of that call was Fashion Guy. Fashion guy headed up a well-known men’s fashion label and had a boyish face that belies his fifty years. He was sweet and flirty. As the cab pulled up near the event, I managed to step out as elegantly as I could whilst holding my mobile to my ear. Then the unthinkable happened.

Snap!

That’s the bloody sound of my stiletto breaking. And my heart…I loved those damn shoes and, ironically, the Producer had bought them for me. Was that a sign from the universe?

Stifling a gasp while I acted cool with Mr Fashion, I said my very calm goodbyes, hung up and then panicked! How the hell could I rock up to a black tie affair with a bloody broken shoe?! Given this was a Saturday and still quite early, I spotted some shops and hobbled towards them, limping in my one good heel and one broken shoe. Of course the stores had just closed. So I did what a Good Girl needed to do and banged on the window of a shoe store like a crazy person until finally a bewildered assistant opened the door ever so slightly.

“Please,” I gasped, quite dramatically, “Can you please help me…it’s an emergency!”

Women are the best. They totally understood my predicament, let me in and three shop assistants scattered in different directions to find black heels in my size. Bless those girls. I managed to get a pair of gorgeous shoes at very short notice that actually felt comfortable all night!

Heels

These heels saved me!

If I was in any doubt about Bridget Jonesy-ness, just yesterday as I was coming down an escalator with the Greek Goddess I work with, when we lost control of a trolley full of water bottles and in the process, my work security pass flung into the gap between two moving escalators. So there I was, in heels no less, running upwards on the downward escalator, like a mad woman, arms flailing everywhere, heart racing, trying to fling myself over to get my pass. Eventually a lovely young woman used her umbrella to fling my pass to a place I could actually retrieve it. Ugh…so glamorous!

Since Bridget ended up with Mark Darcy, a human rights Barrister…and I’ve just chatting with a nice, but seemingly unavailable, man who happens to be a family law barrister…could this be another sign that Bridget and I are indeed aligned?! Now that would be hilarious…and a little bit spooky! In the meantime I shall remain, just like Bridget, a wonten sex goddess…

Mark and Bridget

After all, aren’t we all waiting for someone who loves us…just as we are?

 

 

The Usual Suspects…the men you’re most likely to meet online!

By 6 Comments

 Image result for line up of men

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn
And I dream of what I need

Bonnie Tyler

Since I’ve launched back into the interesting world of internet dating, I’ve come across a lot of nice men…okay, not a lot…but some. Of course I’ve also come across other kinds of men as well. This is not my first time around the single girl carousel of course. I’ve dated in the past. Quite a lot.  For the more experienced dater, you start to understand that finding an actual relationship is a lot like job seeking, or auditioning for your role in a Broadway musical. It’s a numbers game. Sometimes it seems quite unattainable…but reason tells you that you’ve been in love before and no doubt you will again.

Having said that, my flirtation with Tinder came and went in record time. As suspected, it’s more about hook ups than longevity, which would have been fine if I was seeking a f*ck-buddy. Certainly if I was it wouldn’t take long to find one!

First tip of dating – always be really clear in your mind about what you want.

Second tip? Be just as clear about what you don’t want!

Now I don’t want to be a downer gorgeous single women of a certain age, but when you find yourself dating in your 40’s, your likely to come across certain types of men. It’s easy to think such men are just stereotypes, but once I dated a few and was contacted by many more, I started to understand that most men do indeed fit into categories.

Here’s a few of the usual suspects.

The full time Super Dad  –  8 days a week

Was there an article in men’s mag that I missed that gave pointers on how to frame yourself as a doting full time single father in order to avoid commitment?! Now there may indeed be some sole parent dads out there with full custody of their kids, of course, but what would be the chances of talking to not one, but four of them, within weeks? Being a single parent myself, I certainly have nothing against a single dad. Let’s make that clear. Most people share custody of their kids…some do not.

In the online world of dating, I realised that “full time dad” is actually code for they are possibly married,   players, or commitment-phobes.  They can only offer to see you one day a week because that’s when they get help or support from babysitters….Looking back, even the affable Captain America I went on dates with, was this guy! Fearlessly raising his 13 year old, juggling work and ice hockey, the poor darling could only manage to date on Sundays.

I went on a date with a Fashion brand manager who was apparently raising three sons on his own. It left so little time he could only manage Thursday nights.

Then I met Batman, who takes the cake and actually warrants an entire blog of his own…he ran his own creative brand agency (yes, yes, I have a thing for creatives….god help me), who, through his brooding darkness and his kinky longings for all things cat woman, was somehow managing to run his own business whilst raising two kids, all on his own. Did he feel then that he’d actually have time to get to know someone, I enquired. Of yes…he could manage lunch time catch up and rendezvous in his lovely office in an iconic arcade in the city…Hmmm.

I’ve just been chatting to a lovely guy who contacted me. He is, ironically, a family law barrister…and takes care of his child “5-6 days a week.” Chatting with him is easy. He’s articulate and intelligent. He’s a northern suburbs guy and shares the same quirky tastes I have in music and films. He plays the guitar and recently performed in a band at the Cherry Bar…but he’s that guy. The 8 days a week super dad…He can usually manage Fridays. I did ask him if he’d noticed, in his line of work, if more fathers were indeed getting full custody of their children. After all, what if I was wrong? As it turns out, no, he hasn’t actually seen any increases in the stats.

Now, if I dated them all, I could almost have a full time guy!

Set in his ways guy…set, like concrete.

This guy has been living the bachelor dream for some time. He sleeps with women, and may have dinner with them before if he feels like the company. He thinks he wants a relationship but he’s also not prepared to change anything in his life to accommodate one.  He’ll let you know his routine very early on. He started running this year, so he runs every other day, having conquered the running app on his phone. I’m a mad gamer and my only time to unwind with my Ps4 is Friday nights and Sundays…after I jog. I’m working long hours so Monday nights are out and Wednesdays won’t work as I’m into  *insert hobby here…cycling, gym workouts, yoga, martial arts….* He can’t manage Saturday mornings because he needs to walk the dog, shop, clean or whatever. In the end, if you are willing to slot into one night a week and one night on the weekend for all eternity, this is your guy! The reality is, he’s not going to make too much time in his life for you. He’ll slot you in as part of his routine.

The Man-child

He’s having his first mid-life crises, or in all likelihood, he’s onto his second…or even third. Terrified of growing old, this guy’s started exercising like a fiend and would ideally like to be dating someone much younger in the hope that her youthfulness might rub off, while he’s secretly taking selfies of his head, worrying about his bald spot.

He regales you with hilarious and captivating stories of his past – hot women he dated, crazy places he had sex, drugs he consumed in his youth, awesome gigs he went to, drunken nights of crazy fun. He’s still living in the past clinging to his glory days. He buys expensive toys – bicycles, watches, electronic gadgets, motorbikes, fast cars, boats or ski gear…but he probably won’t buy you dinner.

The man-child is usually boyishly charming and enthusiastic in the boudoir, but he can be as petulant and excitable as any teenager. He cancels plans at the last minute because he’s tired or can’t be bothered. He complains if he can’t wear converse high tops to a wedding. He owns more than one leather jacket…because he’s very cool. He may quit his job on a whim when the going gets tough, which is also a metaphor for how he deals with relationships. Quit when things get hard. Any expression of feelings or emotions is taken as a criticism because he’s going to view you like a parent…and he can’t stand authority. He’s all about sticking it to the man.

This rock star dresses from a genuinely impressive collection of band tees he’s been collecting since he was twenty. He’s usually hot and fun but not always reliable. Enjoy every moment while it lasts.

The Insane in the membrane guy

We’ve all met this guy – bitter and twisted about his ex, and every other bee-arch he’s had the misfortune to date apparently. He’s generally, but not always, an entitled middle aged white man. We women can’t be trusted and he’ll tell you in ten different ways why that is. He apparently knows more about you than you know about yourself, and who doesn’t just love some good ol’ fashioned mansplaining?

The internet has of course given rise to these sorts, as they now have a larger vehicle in which to drive their particular brand of crazy. I chatted to a guy on line – a Uni lecturer who seemed quite nice. The first time he called me, within five minutes he was aggressive and defensive and started to tell me who I was. Of course he had no idea, and when I explained calmly that the conversation was making me feel uncomfortable, he actually bellowed at me. Wow. I’m sure that approach is working for you dude. I hung up on him. He then sent a text to mansplain that if women “would just listen to him, they might learn something about themselves…”

I learnt something…how to block his number and how to set mine to private. Yeesh.

As the wonderful Iyanla Vanzant always says, “If you see crazy coming, cross the street.”

 

 

Scary Monsters and super creeps – #WhyamIsingle

By 2 Comments

img_1446

I’ve decided to start dating again. It’s a bold move but I’ve decided to put myself out there. I’m trying hard to not take it, or myself, too seriously and just see what the universe might have in store.

 You’ve been screwed over, and screwed up mentally about sex and it’s time to unscrew yourself by getting screwed!”

-Deep Kick Girl (to The Good Girl…aka me), just this week

Deep Kick Girl of course is right. I needed to get my mojo back…not necessarily by getting screwed, but by at least opening myself up to possibilities.  I’ve started meditating again, writing, reading and as spring arrives in Melbourne I’m looking forward to walking every day again.

So I’ve decided to head back to the on-line dating site where I met the Producer, because I know it and I met some nice people there when I was last single. I am also trialing a couple of sites that are new to me, which is netting some quite hilarious, and hair raising results.

Every single woman gets sick of people asking why you’re still single. Some smug long-term coupled up people tend to live in bubbles and have lost sight of how complicated the dating game can be.  Let me clarify. It’s not actually hard to meet someone. You can meet a dozen people tomorrow if you don’t care who they are. It’s not hard to hook up with someone I’m sure, if you’re just after sex. (I’ve received a number of offers but declined). All the power to you by the way. Each to their own. However, if you want to date someone with the possibility of long term partnering, it’s not so straight forward.

It’s not that single women are “fussy”. Why settle for second best? And honestly, if I’ve learnt anything by now, if someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!

While I’ve actually chatted to some lovely people, I have to say that I have already had a number of bizarre and hair raising experiences in a short amount of time. If Captain America was living proof that good men exist in the world, some of the men I’ve encountered are sad reminders that for all the good, bad also exists. There are some total arseholes out there!

On the first site I joined, someone reached out to me via email. Skull Boy, as I now call him, could have sent me a free kiss but he jumped right in with an email, (which you have to pay for). Good looking (think Eric Bana look alike) and the ability to string a sentence together apparently doesn’t guarantee sane…or even normal! He reached out to tell me that he thought I had the most “perfectly formed skull” he had ever seen.

When I didn’t reply, he elaborated.

Skull Boy: You know when you see baby’s bums and they’re so cute, you want to bite them? That’s how I feel about your skull. It’s incredible. I want to bite it. I want to touch it, and run my fingers through your hair.

He did also go on to tell me that he was “trippin’ balls on pseudoephedrine and codeine ” and that his “cicadean rhythms” were out of wack.

I’m not sure if he was hoping to mount my perfectly shaped skull on a wall or shrink it down to hang from his rear view mirror. Who can say?! Needless to say I reported and blocked skull boy.

#whyamIsingle

I joined one particular free site at the suggestion of a friend. Within two days I was so inundated with messages that I felt completed overwhelmed. It took a millisecond to realise that I wasn’t being contacted because of my desirability. I was just fresh meat thrown into a dating pit. I’m pretty sure none of them read my profile and the majority of messages were carbon copied, such as “Hi”, or “how r u”, or “ur hot”…

Now, I don’t know about you but if you have to abbreviate the shortest of words, such are you and are, or if you can’t be bothered putting a sentence together, imagine how limited or lazy you are likely to be in a relationship! No thanks.

This particular site seemed to have a lot of rough diamonds, who didn’t care who I was, where I lived or if we had anything in common. Some made wild assumptions that I wouldn’t in any way be discerning! Some were left field. I mean surely there are specific sites for fetishists or kinky sex?

Mr 31: Hi. Are you a domme?

Me: Why on earth would you ask me that?

Mr 31: Coz you got that look about you and I need a dominatrix to punish me.

Me: Go away little boy

You have to laugh!

Or foot guy, who asked…no, begged, me to send him pictures of my feet. “Naked feet are so beautiful but if you are wearing heels, I’ll get excited…” Ummm!

Or the guy who just said “you into bondage?”  Well hi yourself!

Or this angelic fellow who fell from heaven just to say hello.

angel

Heavy sigh.  Did I put all fetishes welcome on my profile? No, I did not!

#whyamIsingle

Then there are the really classy guys who think women owe them something. The type of men who think, since they are middle aged and balding, that they are entitled to have women swoon at their feet with no effort on their part. The type of men who think that the very act of engaging you in conversation suddenly gives them rights over you. These are the misogynistic tools that are the scariest of all.

Like this charming guy, who simply didn’t like me saying no, even in the politest way. Sadly, there were several like him. I chose this one as an example to screenshot.

stupid

Wow…I really let a good one go there! I’m a fuckwit indeed!

#whyamIsingle

Needless to say my journey with that dating site came to an abrupt end, even though through all the bottom feeders, occasionally someone nice would emerge. Sifting through the zombie apocalypse was too time consuming and a bit depressing really!

So then I joined the ever popular site which I was massively resistant because it’s got quite the reputation as a hook up site.I’m not a wombat who eats roots and leaves. I’m not looking for anything casual, but work colleagues convinced me it’s not just for hook ups (although, again if you’re into that, it absolutely an element of that).

I can understand the appeal. It’s easy and no one can tell when you swipe left for no, and if you swipe right for yes and so does the other person you are “matched” and can then chat. So it’s easy. The only problem is getting dating dyslexia and accidentally swiping right when you meant left! Doh! Or worse, seeing people you know! I saw my ex and of course swiped left (as I’m sure he did if he saw me, because that would be awkward if we Super-liked each other or got matched!).  As you sign up via Facebook, you can actually see who your match might know…also a little weird.  One guy asked me “So how do you know such-and-such”…weird.

Also what I noticed was a number of the same guys crop up on all the sites. One I saw on all three sites and matched with him on Tinder, where he said, “Well hello! We have to stop meeting like this…or do we?”  Hilarious.

There are some strange cats out there, and there needs to be some caution. As a woman that’s so crap that there has to be but these guys sadly are why we need feminism in the world! Still, I’ve chatted with enough lovely people to continue on the journey. I actually went on a date this week, but that’s a story for another day.

But in the meantime, now you might understand why some very awesome women are single!

Happy swiping!

 

 

Not tonight honey – he’s got a headache

By

 
There seems to be a new dynamic happening. Many people are finding themselves sexless in the modern relationship, and more often than you might realise, it’s men turning it down, not women.

There is no secret that women reach their sexual peak in their 40’s. I for one have always been a sexual person but I’ve definitely noticed my desires have increased as I’ve gotten older. Maybe this was because I was divorced and forced to rediscover myself. Or, maybe as women get older we have a stronger sense of self? We are less self conscious when it comes to sex. 

When I started dating again, almost 5 years ago, I realised that compatibility with a partner can’t be underestimated if you are going to step into a relationship. Of course I mean emotional as well as sexual compatibility. 

For most women, intimacy is important, sexual and non sexual. Being held, touched, cuddled, spooned or even having your hand held speaks volumes about feeling loved, desired and wanted. There is no deeper connection for me personally than locking eyes with your partner while making love. Knowing they are fully present with you in that moment is a sign of true intimacy. Sharing the kind of intimacy you can only share with a lover. 

In that moment there is no outsider longing. Just two souls melded together, flesh on flesh. Sex is the most intimate thing you can share with another human being that you absolutely love. (Yes, of course you can have sex with anyone regardless of feelings -and great sex too – but love in my humble opinion takes things to another level). I personally feel so much more spiritually and emotionally connected to my partner when we are having regular sex. 

Our society teaches us that men are hungry for sex. They want it all the time, right? Sex fills up their thoughts and is an innate need driven by deep biological urges? So why then are more and more straight women complaining that they actually want sex more than their male partners? 

Given that we have been raised to believe the above hype, it’s easy for women to feel devastated when a partner rejects them sexually. A million thoughts go through your head. 

No one has ever knocked me back for sex before. Doesn’t he find me attractive? Does he think I’m overweight? Is he having an affair? Doesn’t he love me? 

I’m sure it’s the same feelings men experience when women withdraw intimacy. It’s hard not to feel rejected, undesirable and unwanted. 

Just last week I was speaking with a psychologist. Carol said that the majority of couples counselling sessions booked with her are partners who feel their libidos are incompatible. Her observation was that in the past few years it is increasingly women complaining that their male partners have pulled back in the bedroom. 

A “sexless relationship” is categorised generally by having sex 10 or less times a year. So how important is sexual intimacy in a relationship? According to this Dr. Phil article , “The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.”

There are many reasons why men can withdraw sexually, some of which are listed here. 

  • Stress and anxiety
  • Medical reasons (including depression and prostate problems)
  • Use of antidepressants and alcohol
  • Watching excessive amounts of porn
  • High levels of masturbation
  • Sexual dysfunction (premature ejeculation, erectile dysfunction)
  • Boredom 
  • Hormonal issues
  • Not being attracted to a partner 
  • Having an undisclosed fetish
  • Having an affair
  • Fear of intimacy 

I’m not a counsellor and nor do I claim to be an expert.  I’m not suggesting that if your partner has suddenly turned cold on making whoopie that any of the above are the main issue, though they are all worth looking at. 

While men sometimes need to withdraw into their cave in order to restore some order and quiet their minds, the sudden withdrawing of affection and intimacy from a woman can cause confusion and feelings of inadequacy. Especially when they previously shared a healthy sex life. Women will analyse and over think every possible scenario for why this has happened. 

Of course “healthy” might be different for everyone. Some people are wanting sex once a day, once a week or a few times a month. Some just don’t desire sex at all. I generally find that having sex actually increasing your desire for more regular sex. That might not be true for everyone. 

Issues will always arise when one partner is withdrawing and the other person doesn’t have the answers. As long as both partners feel satisfied then there are less likely to be issues. 

So what can you do to get the sizzle back in the bedroom? Carol advised that firstly, you both have to be on the same page. There is a difference between desire and arousal. Just because you don’t “feel” like having sex doesn’t mean you can’t get turned on and change your mind. 

As woman, it’s okay to want and enjoy sex. We’re human too. (You get that I was slightly tongue in cheek then? Of course we like sex – it’s awesome). Sadly sometimes the issues may never be resolved. If he can’t or won’t acknowledge your needs and desires as being important in the relationship, and meet you half way, then you may need to give yourself permission to leave if lack of intimacy is a deal breaker for you. 

For some, sex or a lack of it is irrelevant. For others it’s vital. If you love one another it’s certainly worth exhausting all options before it gets to that. She suggested the following strategies may be helpful:

  • Talk about it. Open communication about sexual desires, fantasies and issues is important 
  • Don’t play the blame game. It’s not really helpful and creates a divide – work together to solve the issues 
  • If it’s a physical issue, always have a medical including a hormone check 
  • Decrease the frequency of masturbation to increase desire for partnered sex and watch less porn 
  • Schedule regular sex (this is based on the “fake it til you make it principal”). In busy lives, set a regular time for intimacy 
  • Make an effort to stay healthy for each other 
  • Deal with stress levels – yoga, meditation and exercise all help 
  • Try being intimate often outside of the bedroom so you feel connected (hug, kiss, text each other, be loving)
  • Spice things up – some sexy lingerie or introducing sex toys can be fun 
  • Be open to new things – oral sex, masturbate in front of your man, sexting ; touch each other intimately, watch porn together 
  • Mutual massage and touching can help 
  • Turn OFF the damn phone, laptop etc and focus on pleasuring one another 
  • See a couples counsellor if you are not sure where to start

I would also add that it’s important to reassure each other that you love one another. Kiss for 20 seconds every time you see each other (it’s quite an incredible thing to do). 

Remember that while sex isn’t everything, it’s very important and you  have a much bigger chance of sorting out the issues if you are working as a team. This is something you can’t fix on your own. 

Have you even been in a sexless relationship or one lacking in intimacy? Do you have any helpful tips? 

Valentine’s Day – what do women really want?

By

(null)
With Valentine’s Day looming tomorrow, I wanted to take a moment to think about what love really means to me. There is so much on social media at this time of year about relationships – what makes them work, or not.

I write a blog that has spanned my life from being suddenly and unceremoniously single (on the wrong side of blood forty I might add) to now suddenly being not single, engaged and living with the Inner City Producer.

I’m sure he thinks I’m a deeply complicated human being, fraught with all kinds of emotions, this woman before him. In truth, that might be true! While women love to communicate with words and men are probably more comfortable with non spoken communication, I think what I need and desire for a happy life is pretty basic.

At 45, I understand that fairy tales don’t exist and nor do I want to exist in a world of make believe. While the Producer can be thoughtful, he’s not one for sweeping romantic gestures. He will not be hiring planes to write my name across blue skies, and I’m more than okay with that!

So what does a chick need to feel safe and happy in a relationship? Though of course it’s different for everyone, for me It’s pretty simple! Here’s the 5 things I need and want to make me happy!

1. Love. Ah, l’amore!

There is nothing like it. Being in love, or being loved is one of life’s greatest gifts that the universe can bestow on us. It’s beautiful. Loving another human being is an amazing feeling.

Love binds people together. It gives us a sense of unity and belonging. We love many people in our lives – our children, friends, parents, and of course our lover. The love we share with a partner is different than that shared with others.

Love brings with it a promise of hope and of great things ahead. Love isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it hurts. Maintaining love requires work and effort, but it’s so worth it. I want to be loved whole heartedly and unashamedly. That’s the only way to love.

Love is the starting point for all things. It grows and deepens with time and shared experiences. Love can bring happiness and joy to our life. This is of course a given for me but can love alone and in itself be enough? I’ve realised that love is the most important factor in a relationship for me – but it is certainly not the only important factor.

Showing a woman you love her isn’t difficult. Touch her. Talk to her. Listen to her. Hug her. Help her with the housework and the groceries. Rub her feet or give her a massage. Make her laugh. Give her your undivided attention…put the phone down when she’s talking.

Women love quality time and it’s important. This isn’t the same as cohabitation, guys! It’s date nights. It’s weekends away. It’s cuddling her on the couch. It’s telling her you love her – in words and in actions. It’s letting her know that while you can both have your own space, and interests (and you should), you actually like spending time with her and look forward to doing so.

What’s interesting about us chicks is we operate on a feelings level. If you make us feel wanted and loved, we will reciprocate ten fold. Let your woman know she’s a priority in your life, as she should in kind.

(null)

2. R.E.S.P.E.C.T…ooh, just a little bit.

Aretha was onto something when she wrote that song. If a woman feels respected, great things are possible. It’s vital that all humans feel respected for who they are. If you respect and honour your woman, there is nothing she won’t do for you.

When a woman feels disrespected by a partner, however, it’s a major ouch. It can be inherently damaging to a relationship. Don’t talk down to me. Don’t roll your eyes at me. Don’t pretend I’m invisible. Don’t treat me as less than you. Don’t cheat on me or lie to me.
Don’t withhold love.

It’s easy to show a woman you respect her. Listen when she speaks. Acknowledge her views and her opinions. Introduce her proudly to people.

Respect that her body is her own, and she has limitations.

Allow her to be who she really is. Respect that her needs and wants may be different from yours but they are equally as important.

Respect the effort She puts into the relationship and all she does for you.

3, Trust. I’m there for you.

This is a biggy. Trust is vital to any long lasting relationship. Trust that he’s faithful, sure, but more than that – trust that your partner has your back when you need it. Trust that he’ll be careful with your heart, honour your feelings and your opinions (even if he doesn’t agree with all of them).

Trust that he will follow through with things he says he will do. Trust that he will be as considerate of you as you are of him. Trust that you will be a partner in this journey, an equal.

Trust that your partner will be honest and kind, and a decent human being. Trust that you will both honour your relationship. Trust that you won’t jump ship if the going gets tough (and let’s face it – at this age, people do come with baggage!).

Trust enough to open up and share yourself with me. Trust that what we share is real and we’re in this together.

4. Lust and intimacy. Take me, I’m yours!

This is a huge one for me, and a lot of women I know. You can’t underestimate how important intimacy is to longevity in a relationship. Women need to feel desired and wanted. We want to feel like you want (and need) to touch our skin, kiss us, hug us, hold our hand in public. Spoon us in bed. Intimacy on all levels is important – not just sex.

We want to feel like you can’t get enough of us, like you want to make wild passionate love to us.

Sex is important to me, as it is to most women. Through sex, you connect with your partner on the most intimate level possible. Your bodies communicate in ways that words cannot equal. It can be a spiritual experience shared together.

Sexual contact makes a woman feel sexy, attractive and desirable. This is why when sex is taken off the table it can be brutal to a woman’s self esteem. No one wants to feel undesirable or rejected. Doubt can creep in and can really hurt. It’s easy to feel invisible and less-than when your man’s not into it. (On a side note, the same is true for men).

Scheduling sex is vital for intimacy. All kinds of research suggests the more sexual contact you have with your partner, the closer your relationship is likely to be. Waiting for it to just happen organically might not work in this fast paced life. We are all working hard. We’re all busy and tired, but a little effort goes a long way.

Want her to sizzle? Shake things up. Be spontaneous. Break the normal routine. Send her text messages. Remind her you’re thinking of her. (Or maybe what you’d like to be doing with her!). Be as proactive as you were when you were dating.

Women need to feel they are worth the effort. Worth your time and energy. No amount of porn (which is now literally accessible everywhere) or masturbation (as nice as that can be) can, or should, impact your sex life or replace the real deal.

(null)

5. Communication. Dude, talk to me!

There is nothing better than communication in a relationship. When a man openly shares his thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears with you it creates emotional intimacy, and a deeper trust. Hiding parts of yourself or not sharing your life with your partner leaves them vulnerable. How can anyone understand you if you won’t share of yourself?

Tell me about your day. Share important things with me before you share them on Facebook.

If I’ve learnt nothing else in life, I’ve learnt that men and women communicate differently. We just do! Learning to communicate with your partner is of course vitally important to making a relationship work. Given we are the sum total of our life experiences, how we communicate is influenced by so much. Our upbringing, our backgrounds, our previous relationships, etc.

And it’s always a work in progress. Communicating the important stuff isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the effort to find the middle ground. Shutting down or hiding feelings from a lover isn’t the healthy way to go.

(null)
So there you have it! On the big V day, huge sweeping gestures of flowers and chocolate aren’t my priority! This Valentine’s Day all this Good Girl needs is to feel loved and respected…oh and to get balls deep into some skin on skin action with the guy I love.

Remember to love yourself. You’re pretty amazing! What are the most important things to you in a relationship?

This is who I am. I’m not sorry.

By 2 Comments

20140619-145541-53741128.jpg

Vintage Good Girl Confessional. I first wrote this back in June. 🙂

I have recently acknowledged that my life is actually interesting. Not in a braggy-look-at-me way. More in a Oh-wow-I’m-doing-ok kind of way. I think recently I’d forgotten that fact.

I’ve had a lot of life experiences, some others can relate to, and some they can’t but they are intrigued by the side-show-alley-ness of it.

I spent a lot of time in my life thinking I was less than. That while I loved my picket fence life, outsiders might be gazing in and yawning. No one sees the undercurrents of a person’s path or struggle.

Certainly the last 4 years of my life have been crazy busy and exciting. I spent too much wasted time in the past apologising for myself. Blah! I’m not perfect. I’m learning to embrace the imperfections.

I’m not quite there. I’m still not entirely comfortable in my nakedness, which I miss. I like my curves. I always have but I’ve stood in judgment of myself more since my marriage ended. As if my physicality had anything to do with it. Logic and facts tell me it didn’t. I’m working on this.

I didn’t have an ideal childhood. So much so that I marvel at those that did. I watch grown friends surrounded by siblings and parents who love one another and I smile in wonder. I watch them as I watch movies. Fascinated by that which I can’t really understand. It’s made me a better parent. I’ve learnt that the definition of family cannot be found in the oxford dictionary. It’s different for everyone.

I’ve also learnt that as amazing as my kids are, they are not perfect either. Nor do they need to aspire to be. Sometimes my kids think in a dick, which no doubt I am at times. We have a great relationship.

I’ve had three amazing kids and helped to raise a fourth who was my son’s best friend and remains an inseparable part of my family.

I’ve been married – twice, and divorced…twice. Perhaps I’m an over achiever! I’ve loved and been loved. Ive been un-loved. I’ve had my heart broken. Or more aptly, shattered. I’ve been left. I’ve swept up the pieces.

I’ve travelled a little. This chick from the western suburbs who attended public school once sat in the controversial Wat Phra Dhammakaya
temple in a private meeting with the head monk of the Dhammakaya Movement in Thailand. I meditated amongst their hypnotic chanting. I drank black fragrant tea whilst watching vibrantly draped women in India. I sipped vintage champagne in a bathtub in Paris and wrote poetry in Montmartre. I’ve walked across bridges in Venice and marvelled at the beauty of the naked and brilliant David in Florence. I drank cider and Mulled wine in London and walked the Monopoly board roads that exist there.

I’ve touched statues born from stones thousands of years before my conception. I’ve stood in magnificent rain forests right here in Australia, feeling so tiny amongst giant trees. Still I thought I was somehow lacking.

I’ve worked hard. I’ve had money. I’ve owned pretty things and had houses, to find one day it was all lost. All that was once solid was suddenly little more than shifting sands beneath my feet. Shattered dreams and chaos.

I learnt I am not the sum of the things I owned but of the person I am. I learnt that my integrity and my strength were more important than bricks and mortar.

I dusted myself off, picked myself up and continued to work and support my family. I’m still looking for a new role after my position was made redundant. I admit it’s the first time I’ve worked so hard to find a job! It sucks. I’ve always been lucky in the past to float from one job to the next. I meditate and manifest. I recite daily positive mantras in my head. I’m a born optimist. It’s who I am!

I have amazing friends. I really do. Kick arse people who make my life better because they are a part of it. Friends who encourage me or listen to me, as I do for them. Friends that say “cut the crap, get up and get on with it” when I need that. Friends that I share belly laughs with, or get drunk with, or cry with. Or all of the above.

I write every day. It’s a passion and my heart’s mission. Yesterday I was almost late for an appointment because I got so caught up in something I was writing I lost track of time. I’ve met some incredible and creative people through my blog. I’m so grateful for that and their generosity is inspiring. I’m learning so much by knowing them and following them, and reading their work. Some I now call friends.

I’ve written poetry that was short listed for awards even though I swear I am no poet, and written plays that were performed. By real people. Which astounds me. Even though I am not a playwright.

I am learning that I am a writer. An actual one. Not a fraud. My words are my own, pouring out of me. Shared with the world.

I’m in my first truly adult relationship in my life, the only true love I’ve met outside of my youth. Falling in love in your 40s is radically different than falling in love in your early 20s. It has to be. You are so different from one decade to the next.

I take nothing away from young love which is beautifully innocent and joyful. I’m just a very different person now than I was back then. Thankfully!

Being in a relationship in my 40s means when I gave my heart, I’ve done so with my life time of knowledge and understanding. It hasn’t been given lightly. I now know there are no guarantees in life which is something I simply didn’t understand in my twenties. I thought love was forever and my partner was a prince amongst men. When the shit hit the fan, there was no armoured knight drawing his sword, slaying dragons to fight for me. No sir. He just left.

I don’t believe in fairytales like I did back then. Real life is far more exciting than fables anyway. This was made glaringly obvious when I recently slept, unknowingly, with a packet of peanut M&M’s under a pillow at the Producer’s place. I didn’t even feel them! The tale of the Princess and the Pea comes to mind! Clearly I am no princess! I didn’t feel a whole packet of chocolate peanuts beneath my weary head.

I’m so grateful that my ex left me. Though I’ll never regret all I shared with him, and for the gorgeous ones, in his leaving, the doors were open for me to grow which led me down the yellow brick road. I found myself.

Then I met the Producer. I can honestly say I’ve never loved another person as I love him. It’s a grown up, beautiful feeling. Yes, he makes my knees weak and I get all giddy like a teenager! It’s so nice that when he says he loves me, I just know he does. I’ve never questioned it. He didn’t tell me until he felt it and meant it.

I’ve learnt I’m unique and as such I bring positives to his life as he does mine.

I’ve learnt by being with him that equality in relationships does exist. My feelings matter as much as the other person’s. When he looks at me, I feel beautiful. And I like it. I’ve learnt that I’m not hard to love as I once believed I was. That someone loves me for all I am, not despite it. That being a strong woman with her own opinions and beliefs is more than ok with this man.

He’s not on a pedestal though. I love him, warts and all. I know his strengths and his weaknesses. It’s in my nature to focus on the positives though. For that I make no apologies either. I’m not naive. There is no denial. For the first time I’ve laid my soul truly bare in front of someone and seen the same in return, feeling like I’m more at home than I have been before. He’s standing beside me on this journey. Not above me or in front of me. Just beside me. Occasionally he holds my hand, or walks up behind me and puts his arms around me. Delicious moments of I’m at home-ness personified.

When I’m concerned or confused, I’ve learnt to talk about it with him, not swallow it as I would have in the past.

I’ve been asked a lot of questions though since being in a relationship! People are curious. Will we live together? If so where? How will your lives merge? Would I ever get married again?

I’ve had people offer up their opinions about my love life – telling me I’m too old to bother with marriage, and I’m too old to consider having his children. Wow. Thanks for sharing…don’t hold back. Too old?! I’m 44!

I’ve been told marriage is utter bullshit and is a relic from the days of pre feminism when misogynist men owned women like cattle. Given I’m a divorced, feminist, single parent in a relationship, they assumed I’d agree

Nah. I respect if that’s your opinion but I’m less cynical and still okay with mutual public declarations of love if people choose to get married. I am an advocate for marriage equality – for everyone regardless of sexual orientation. If you’re supporting gay marriage, you can’t not support the idea of marriage! I think everyone has the right to choose – if you are anti marriage, that’s cool. Don’t get married. Celebrate your love in other ways. Simple.

I’m a romantic by nature. I used to think I was foolish to have a romantic heart. Now I’m grateful for it. It doesn’t make you weak to actually feel things deeply. In fact it’s pretty gutsy if you ask me. To feel is a risk. Being brave enough to take a risk is a beautiful thing.

I’ll live my life in a way that feels right for me regardless of other’s views. That’s a cool part of being in my 40s too. I’ve stopped giving a toss about others judgements of me and my choices. Also I don’t know all the answers to all of the questions asked. I’ll know when the time is right.

I’ve had readers concerned that I won’t talk as much about sex now that I’m off the dating circuit! I’m in a relationship, people – I’m not dead! I still have a very healthy sexual appetite (the Producer joked that I’m insatiable!) and I make no apologies for that either.

Mind you I’ve also copped criticism because I talk about sex and in particular because I’ve referenced my own sex life. Gasp! You can’t please everyone all of the time! I’ve been called a slut on more than one occasion since I started The Good Girl Confessional!

I’ve learnt that I don’t have to apologise either for being a feminist who talked about having my arse spanked! Yes I copped flack for that too! How can you call yourself a feminist and be subservient to a man? Sexual play doesn’t make me subservient since it was mutual and also, I’m not apologising that I liked it. Nor should anyone have to.

Being a feminist means I get to choose to live my life how I want and on my own terms. Which I’m doing. I don’t always get it right but my choices are my own!

Damn it. If I want to dress up in a gimp mask and leather I will! I totally don’t by the way – it’s not my thing – but you get what I’m saying!

The one thing I’ve learnt is that my life is interesting to the one person that counts…me. Which really is all that matters. It’s too hard living a life trying to please anyone else. We can’t please everyone, it’s impossible.

I’m continually growing and evolving. I’m learning something new – be it big or small – every day. Sometimes about life, or the world, or politics, my kids, my friends, my man. Learning is endless. It’s brilliant and mindblowing.

I’m learning that in being human, I’m just like everyone else. Sometimes I make mistakes. I say the wrong thing, or I have a moment of judgement. I try not to do it again. Sometimes I’ve inadvertently hurt someone or made someone uncomfortable and that’s crap.

Sometimes it’s important to apologise and in those moments, of course I do. I just don’t consider being myself to be something I need to apologise for. I’m learning that I’m nurturing and giving but It’s okay that I want to be nurtured from time to time. That I’m deserving of that too.

I’ve learnt that although people have grown used to me being strong, it’s okay that I’m not all the time. Even though that makes some people uncomfortable. I’m no longer apologising for other people’s behaviour either! It’s not my place nor my burden.

I’m learning that I’m okay with who I am. With being me. And I’m not sorry.

A hunk of burning love! How to surprise a good girl!

By

Warning! This blog post may be a little raunchy! (But secretly you love it!).

IMG_0951.PNG
Anyone following along will know that I just moved in with the Producer. You will also know that we are both quite sexual creatures. So we had some navigating to do when merging the family dynamics.

My previous home was huge and a lot of space divided my room from those of my teenagers. So having sex with my man without the kids hearing was never really an issue. Suddenly we are all cohabiting in a smaller place with bedroom walls abutting each other.

The Producer was concerned about my tendency to be loud. Yes, I’m blushing, but it’s true. I am. I get so swept up in the rapture of sex. I’m always in the moment. We don’t want to traumatise the kids!

So I’ve had to learn to be quieter and put my head in the pillow! But we’ve finally figured out the dynamics and sex is well and truly back on the menu! Yay! Happy days people! (Just the thought of it made me audibly sigh then!).

I feel like we are are so much more connected when we are loved up (and sexed up).

So imagine my surprise when I found out the Producer had been holding out on me about something for the past two years!

Whilst unpacking things he stumbled across a leather strap. I thought it was a for his wrist, but man was I wrong. As it turns out it was a cock strap. A what-a-what I hear you ask?! Yes, I said that right – a leather cock strap. Lucky I didn’t borrow it to wear as a bracelet for a rock chick look!!

So this leather band with press stud type clasps is actually used to enhance one’s erection. Truly. Like he really needed any further enhancement (think about what happens when you squeeze a partially blown up balloon and it bulges…yes, that)! Of course he couldn’t wait for show and tell and I have to say…oh dear god! What an experience it was!

Now I’m not shy when it comes to dress ups, accessories and game playing in the bedroom but I had never come across a strap such as this. I don’t think your man could use it all the time but hey, there is nothing wrong with special occasions, right?

So if you have a guy in your life and you are thinking about a special stocking filler this Christmas (or a birthday pressie perhaps?) why not spice things up with a cock strap. So much fun for both of you! I can’t believe it took me so long to even know about it! I’m sure they would be available from all good adult stores (or even not so good ones!).

As it turns out, You’re never too old to learn new tricks!

Happy Friday gorgeous people! Have a wonderful weekend. I know I will be!

Waiting in the love queue…

By

IMG_0278.PNG

When we love, we strive to be better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything else arounds us becomes better too.
– Paulo Coelho

The Producer and I found a place! It’s official, we are moving in together in about a month. Shacking up! I’m really excited at the prospect of living with him! Though someone I work with asked if we’d be living in sin? Well, yes, I hope so I replied! Is that still a thing?!

Given that the new place is much smaller than my current place, I’ve got a lit of decluttering to do! I seriously need to let go of a lot of furniture. It’s long overdue! I stand to gain so much more in my life than anything I’m giving up. In a way it is a liberating shedding of my old life.

So as we embark on our new adventure together, I was recently chatting with a male friend who was bemoaning singledom. He’s not loving it.

In the course of the conversation though I realised this. The perpetual struggle to find love when you’ve decided you’re ready is as challenging for men as it is women.

Granted, this guy does seem to have a very long wish list from which he seems not to ever deter from. He’s in his early 50’s, and has been internet dating for several years.

He’s meeting women, sure. But I feel he’s a pattern dater. He meets the same kinds of women each time. Dates them with great enthusiasm And then looks for flaws. Which of course he’ll always find. We all have them.

She’s attractive. Tick. She’s got a sense of humour. Tick. She likes music. Tick. The sex is great. Tick. Oh wait..:this one had kids. (Even though he also has kids, that’s a minus for him). This one is a bit overweight. (Great girl but….). This one isn’t financial (I have property and I’ve been stung in my divorce…). This one lives too far away. This one seems too needy. You get the drift.

I would never suggest someone settle for anything less than their ideal person. Ever. In this case though I have to wonder if he even knows what he wants. I mean he’s a nice guy and he’s fun, but he has flaws also. He seems to think he’s a great catch.

For the right person no doubt he would be but in the end he’s deeply scarred from a broken marriage. His ex wife had an affair. I don’t think that’s easy to recover from, but it’s possible if you do the work.

Instead he continues to date a string if women (one at a time). He dates vulnerable needy women (he has a saviour complex). They believe it’s developing into a relationship and then he starts searching for something wrong. Really what he’s doing is dating against his own type. While he really wants a strong and independent woman with her shit together, he’s not ready to deal with anything real.

I think he’s terrified of emotional intimacy. I think a lot of people are. Sexual intimacy for some is easy. Anyone can have sex and get caught up in the high of abandoning themselves to a moment of pleasure.

Emotional intimacy requires a leap of faith. It requires enough trust to open your soul to another person and allow them to see your vulnerability. That’s not easy for anyone but it’s harder for some than others.

He is like most of us suffering from fear. The fear of getting hurt again if you trust another. In his case, the fear of being betrayed.

He wonders why he’s attracting the “wrong women”.
Like all of us, dude, you attract to you what you can deal with at the time. He’s attracting women who are still hurt from previous relationships. He attracts women who are scared of being on their own. I think deep down he’s attracting mirror images of himself. He’s not liking the reflection. He is dating a row of women carrying their own baggage because he hasn’t let go of his own.

The same applies the other way too. Take for example a gorgeous friend of mine who has been single for some time, but was now ready for love. One night out with single girlfriends at a singles event, she met a guy. They chatted. The next day they met for breakfast and that was it.

They have seriously been together for several months and enjoying every moment. She looks incredibly happy. Sometimes when you’re ready and they’re ready – bam! It just happens! They live on opposite sides of town. She has teenage children. He has no children. She’s in banking. He’s a tradie. All of that hasn’t made an ounce of difference. I’m is happy for her. She was open to opportunities and bingo. (Yes she’s had a journey along the way too).

We are all braver than we think. Anyone who has been hurt in a relationship but dares to love again is proof of that.

In the mean time the dating continues. And lessons get learnt along the way. Through dating, you learn so much about yourself. I know I did. So much. I figured out who I was. I healed. I found out things about myself I didn’t know. I met some great people. I learnt what I didn’t want, and eventually what I did.

I know dating is sometimes tough but I honestly believe it’s a valuable part of the journey.

From Suburban sex to sex in the inner City

By

IMG_0204.PNG

Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather in recent weeks. It’s true to say that this year is proving to be a confusing hot mess of major highs and major lows.

Okay the lows are not that “major”. Major lows in my life involved the end of important relationships, or more so, the death of people I loved dearly, or people that I love fighting serious illness. Those are some major lows! So my current lows, putting things in perspective, are low to moderate lows. If I’m being honest. It doesn’t sound so dramatic but hey…I can’t lie to you.

This year perhaps the universe was trying to teach me some lessons. I lost my job in a shock round of redundancies. I wasn’t prepared even though my mantra is the only certainty in life is change. Things always change. Sometimes they change for the better. Sometimes they don’t.

I had a small payout and figured I could financially support the kids and myself for a few months quite easily. Deep down I was buoyed by the belief that I’d land a job straight away and the money would be a nest egg (finally) in my bank account. Oh, happy days!!

Of course those of you following along at home know that it didn’t turn out that way! The high at the end was of course landing a great job, working for a huge organisation, and more importantly, getting paid. Which is always wonderful! I started to breathe again, kicking myself for the irony that I didn’t enjoy all that time off because I was constantly worried about finding work.

The Producer was so stellar through all of it. He told me to relax, enjoy some time off, reassuring me that I was doing all that I could. He told me not to worry about Money.

Which seemed impossible as a single parent, raising kids and being told I was not eligible for any benefits until all of my money had run out (at a time span they determined) and then being told that if and when I was entitled to anything, it wouldn’t be enough to even cover my rent. I attended a mandatory appointment at a government department (even though I wasn’t entitled to anything). It was demoralising being treated by them as less than.

Ugh. Bloody job hunting really is like dating! It’s hard. It’s not always fun. Sometimes you get your hopes so high only to be knocked on your arse.
At the 11th hour, I secured a new job. The relief was incredible. I was starting to worry how I might pay my rent.

Not working for 12 weeks impacted me in more ways than financially. Emotionally it really affected my self esteem. My job had been one of the things that got me through my marriage breakdown. I made some incredible friendships there.

It all happened so quickly in the end that I didn’t get a good bye lunch, or a card or a farewell bunch of flowers. I had organised so many of those over the years I worked there. I felt abandoned. I felt betrayed. I felt like I’d done something wrong. I felt like in the end I really was just a number. Which of course we all are.

Redundancies happen. In work places, people come and go. If all of my colleagues had signed a card for me, the outcome would have been no different. Work relationships mostly don’t survive outside that office space.

In my case, I have a few very dear friendships that evolved beyond the office and I’m grateful for that. I’m sad for those I thought would, but just weren’t meant to be. I’ll survive.

The universe was trying to teach me to never take things for granted.

A major high was finding out someone very dear to me had kicked cancer’s butt. She’s been fighting breast cancer and she won. She’s still on hormone treatments for the next 5 years but I was very grateful to the universe for the great news!

This year I’ve spent a lot of time in my car. I travelled to work and and back in heavy traffic every day (and to so many job interviews when I wasn’t working). I ferried my kids around everywhere they needed to be because we live in the suburbs where public transport is elusive, or difficult at best.

I travel between my place in the burbs and the Producer’s place in the inner city, kicking myself when I forget to pack simple things, like my hairbrush or deodorant. I have Bluetooth in my car so I can catch up on hands free calls in the car! My only sanity in the crazy busy days of my life.

I’ve been clocking up over 400 km’s every week for a couple of years now. Petrol prices hikes, Mr Hockey, are far greater than 40 cents a week sir! I know. It’s been hitting my hip pocket!

In the last 4 years my previously unblemished driving record has been torn to shreds. Parking tickets, speeding fines and even a red light ticket. I’m not proud of that. I was pulled over by a police man for the first time in my life this year for speeding. Let me clarify that apparently all streets in the CBD in Melbourne are now 40 km/h. I was slightly over! I wasn’t hooning around. I was embarrassed though as he kept the police lights going the entire time! People were looking at me like I was a drug lord rather than an executive assistant only two minutes away from the car park I was heading to.

Rushing from one place to the other to the next has to give eventually. It’s like a rubber band being pulled too tight. It either snaps back or breaks. I’ve pulled myself in many directions trying to be all things to all people. Which of course we can’t be. No one can.

Working in the city now, I’m catching the train for the first time in years. I’m topping up my Myki card and I’m feeling like a bonafide commuter after only a few weeks. The downside is I’m now leaving home even earlier to secure a car park at the station.

I’m starting work earlier and leaving later. I’m trying to wrap my head around a new role which is demanding and hectic and at times stressful. I’m feeling for my kids who are feeling it.

So here’s a major high. The Producer and I have decided to live together. I’m really excited. I can’t wait. We will meet half way. I’ll be closer to the city and the gorgeous ones can still catch a train to their school so they don’t need to leave their friends. I know he’s making a huge sacrifice to move out of his current hipster area. Where we’re moving to though isn’t half bad.

We’ve been looking at houses. Finding one that is going to suit the family in the area we want isn’t going to be easy. We found one that was ideal. We loved it as did the kids but it wasn’t meant to be. We didn’t get it. After getting so excited, I did feel a bit sorry for myself. I started to imagine our life there. Together.

Still, I can take the time to clear out my house now and have a major clean up. Perhaps the things I sell will pay for a removalist. There is always a silver lining! The universe is teaching me patience. Blah!

The right house will come along. I’ve been living on my own with the kids for 4 years. I don’t know what it will be like to cohabitate with my man. I’m nervous but excited to find out! I’m in love and looking forward to our next chapter together.

I’d love to hear your stories of moving in together.

What’s the story, morning glory?

By

IMG_0340.PNG

Need a little time to wake up, wake up,
What’s the story, morning glory?
– Oasis

I LOVE morning sex!

Yep, I just said that. I really do. Given that a lot of men wake up with raging erections, liking sex in the morning is a bonus. Some women get up and jog and all the power to them. I prefer sex! (I’m not kidding!).

Luckily for me, the Producer is prone to waking me up in the wee small hours of the morning before the alarm goes off. (Of course there is nothing small about those hours in the morning, wink wink!).

T

here is nothing more delicious than feeling his skin on mine somewhere in the hazy world between awake and asleep. Being woken up with wanting hands and foreplay is brilliant. Orgasms in the morning are the best way to start the day!

The Producer likes to call morning sex “lazy sex”. It is anything but lazy. More relaxed. Sometimes on the weekend when he wakes me by spooning me, hot sex is followed by him wrapping his arms around me and us drifting off to sleep.

I love that. In this crazy busy world, relaxed minutes remind me what life is really about. Brilliant moments. 

 Last week we went to lunch with the Producer’s parents to celebrate Father’s Day. On the way home, I stopped the car near the beach. Kicking off my shoes, we walked along the sand watching the sun play with the water and excited puppies catching frisbies.

He spontaneously walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me tightly and I relaxed into him feeling content and loved. Life is feeling pretty good.

After a number of years of hard fought growing up and recovery, it’s a beautiful thing to feel this happy. How life turns on a dime so to speak.

In the current crazy business of packing and culling to move, any moments of peace are relished! 

Yesterday the Producer popped by work for a quick lunch. The night before I had been up to 1am pulling things out of cupboards and feeling overwhelmed by how much is yet to be done before I move.

His calmness just washed over me. Sweet respite! I’m not sure how I will get it all done but I’m giving it a red hot go.

Which leads me back to morning sex! 

Life is stressful, peeps! What a beautiful way to start the day if you can! I’m no expert but I’m sure it has health benefits. Walking around smiling in the morning feeling drunk on sex (the Producer would call that being cock drunk!) isn’t half bad.

If you haven’t tried it for awhile I highly recommend some morning glory.

Have a wonderful weekend!

W

hat’s your feeling? Morning or night?

%d bloggers like this: