“Hurrah! Am no longer tragic spinster… but proper girlfriend of bonafide sexgod… so committed that he’s taking me… on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend.” – Bridget, (Helen Fielding – Bridget Jones’s Diary).
The Good Girl is feeling all loved up, and you know something? It feels pretty wonderful! I’m just going to ask that you forgive me for my crazy fan-girling, teenage-rom-com-ing ways, just for this week!
Oh L’amour! Who would have believed this time last year that I’d be gushing all about love? Me?! The Bridget-Jones-Carrie-Bradshaw-hybrid chick who writes a blog about being single and sometimes tragic dating from behind the proverbial picket fence!
I’ve always believed that life can turn in a split second. Just when we think we have it all worked out, bang! It just does a back flip. That’s its very nature – life, by default, is fluid and complicated and on occasion, messy. I truly believe that’s why some people get depressed when they live very routine lives. The sameness threatens to swallow certain people whole.
I’ve learned to go with the flow a lot more in the past 3 years. How change affects us depends on the moment. It’s all about timing.
For me, the biggest change in recent times comes in the very tasty guise of The Producer.
We have history, this man and I, which followers of The Good Girl Confessional will already know. We met 18 months ago. We dated, and it was always easy to be with him. He made me laugh. Damn, he made me blush. It felt all moonlight and roses (okay, it actually felt all hot and steamy), and then? BAM! It was suddenly over. Then it was on again. Then off again…Somewhere in the mix, feelings developed as we found it easy to confide in one another, adding yet another layer to the intricate tapestry of my love life.
So here we are, the Producer and I…finally. In a monogamous relationship. (Monogamous and Cunnilingus are perhaps two of my favourite words…say them out loud. Just peachy-keen!). Perhaps we’ve figured out how to dance together a little more in this game of life without stepping on each other’s toes. For a while it felt like a strange little cha-cha going on…step back, cha-cha-cha. Step forward, cha-cha-cha…which would have been wonderful if we’d got the steps right like the cool cats on So You Think Can Dance (but I suspect what we were doing was more akin to the awkwardness of Dancing with the Stars!)…
Dance analogies aside, I’ve been thinking about the past four months with the Producer, and how things have changed. Damn it, I’m smiling now even as I write this. Get a grip woman! The other day the Producer was chatting about how much swimming he’d been doing of late and that his shoulders seemed to have developed more and I did the unthinkable!
I let out an audible sigh! Really! I actually swooned like a love struck teenager! I’m not sure what that might do for the feminist cause! It wasn’t lost on the Producer.
So much has happened really. The Producer has met the two youngest of my children now. We had lunch with Master 13 and Miss 16 and it just went incredibly well. No other guy I’ve dated had met my kids. I’ve been quite protective of them, but also of me. I’ve been cautious about letting someone into their lives in case things didn’t work out, which I realise might seem sceptical but as a parent, it seemed reasonable and realistic. In the end, for all of my worry and over thinking about how things might go, it was easy and relaxed. In fact, it’s fair to say that my normally introverted daughter was quite at ease and very chatty with The Producer, and that Master 13 was, well…fanboy-ing a little.
As soon as the lunch was over and we parted ways with the Producer, fan boy was already asking when we could see him again! He got the tick of approval from the gorgeous ones. I’m looking forward to him meeting my eldest – the 22-year-old who is keen but relaxed about meeting The Producer. In some ways they are actually alike. They certainly share the same sense of humour…that naughty school boy behind the shelter shed humour. I love that the Producer has a zest for life. He’s so damn youthful. Having felt like a grown up from the time I could walk, that’s so charming to me.
I like the way The Producer makes me laugh. He likes it too, which is a good thing. I love the way we laugh together, which is often. I still get tongue-tied around him at odd times, which by the way, has never happened to me with anyone else in my adult life. Where’s my head at?!
Occasionally he looks at me in such a way that I feel like the most desirable woman in the room. That, I have to say, is the sweetest feeling of all. I am comfortable without compliments and ego strokes, but there is something quite delicious when he offers them up. I think because I’ve always known that he is a man who only gives compliments that are meant. They are not simply handed around with no merit.
Of course sometimes I catch myself in the grip of my adulation for him and try to bring (claw) myself back down to earth. Not because I don’t think him worthy of such affection and attention. Of course he is. It’s just that I have learnt, the hard way as we do, that to put someone too high on a pedestal means they have a longer way to fall when they decide to wear their more human skins instead of their demi god guises.
I tend to love with all that I am – and I tend to love people for all that they are. In doing so I willingly forgive human failings and short comings, a beautiful thing as long as it isn’t to my own detriment.
So, I’m trying to be more mindful and present in each moment (easier said than done for mere mortals such as myself). I’m conscious of discussing rather than burying. I’m not good at asking for what I want, or perhaps need. I assume that if I am willing to give of myself that others will automatically return in kind. Which I know on some level is just silliness since no one is a mind reader.
The Producer and I spent a relaxing (and very sexy) week-end away in Victoria’s stunning spa district. Surrounded by fresh air (okay, there was the faint smell of smoke in the air from fires burning across the state), and trees was very cathartic.
Coming on the tail end of an unprecedented Victorian heat wave, the universe delivered a timely cool change which was most welcome! The days that followed were just lovely – not too hot, nor cold (save for the early Sunday morning walk around a very dodgy country market!). We walked around a beautiful lake and relaxed in the shade of noble old trees whose arms graciously reached out over paths. We drank mineral water straight from springs. We ate great food, and relaxed, and read and just enjoyed each other’s company.
I have to say that it wasn’t just the temperature that was hot either! Damn, if there was ever man who got my heart racing and my knees shaking – this is the guy. He just has that bloody effect on me, and I’m thrilled to say that it is most definitely reciprocated. Sideway glances, cheeky smiles and the flash of his baby blues and damn it, my eyes get a little greener and the temperature soars!
We visited a beautiful old convent that has been turned into an art gallery. As we were walking up to the gallery, he playfully slapped my arse, and I have to say that my delighted squeal may have scared two conservative Asian tourists! Naughty, naughty.
Built on a hill in the 1860’s, the views of the town from the former bell tower of the gallery are beautiful. Of course since we were alone in the bell tower, without another tourist in site, and I happened to be standing on a small step to take in the views, The Producer made the most of the situation. Let’s just say that things got a little hot and heavy in the convent…and this not particularly Good Girl was smiling as we checked out the rest of the gallery. Only The Producer could thrill me like that in a (formerly) sacred space!
Sigh and swoon!
What was most wonderful about hanging out with the gorgeous Producer was watching him take in the sights and sounds of nature, which he clearly enjoys. I could almost see him physically unwind. He stopped to pat puppies being walked along paths and he watched kangaroos from the window of our holiday abode with the wonderment of a child. I so adore that about him. He simply doesn’t take the world for granted. If anything he looks at it with reverence.
He has no idea the effect he has on strangers either. There is something quite alluring about him – perhaps it’s his mysterious vibe, but everywhere we go, women will notice as he walks by. On our week-end away, it was a hot waitress who seemed to go a little gah-gah. On making eye contact with him, the poor thing dropped cutlery then somehow managed to bend down right in front of him so that her exposed cleavage was at his eye level. He laughed it off, but she then managed to bring drinks to our table that were meant for someone else, and then handed me the bill whilst keeping her eyes on him! It was so blatant that The Producer was both flattered and embarrassed! Oh young chick, calm down!
Luckily for hot waitress, I’m not prone to jealousy and I thought the whole thing was a little cute. I took it as a compliment – yes, I’m with him. It was good for his ego though, I’m sure! So much fangirl-ing going on!
Which brings me back to the way things are between us right now. I’m just feeling a lot more relaxed and really liking the space we are in. I like spending time with him. Recently he delivered my Christmas gift – he took me to be wined and dined at the amazing Vue De Monde, one of Australia’s finest restaurants. The views were amazing, as was the degustation and I’m not sure he realised how much it meant to me. While eating at the famed Vue De Monde was definitely something I’ve always hoped to do, his thoughtfulness was incredibly romantic and it touched me. I’m so thrilled to have shared that experience with The Producer. It was culinary heaven matched with breath-taking views of the city, shared with a foodie whom I happen to love. What else could a girl ask for?
What I love the most is that we have a lot of fun together, but we are able to cry during sad films and we can have serious conversations without fear of judgement. It’s really nice to share that with someone. While he’s all converse High tops and grungy band t-shirt and I’m all high heel and lipstick, it just feels right. We have enough in common to embrace the differences. He brings out the kid in me as well as making me feel honoured and safe…and sexy! I hope I make him feel loved and accepted.
So right here and now, I’m just tripping on the drug that is love. The beautiful week-end away just seemed a perfect start to the year. I am starting to feel like I am his partner. That’s very cool. I for one am feeling very optimistic!