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I’ve decided to start dating again. It’s a bold move but I’ve decided to put myself out there. I’m trying hard to not take it, or myself, too seriously and just see what the universe might have in store.

 You’ve been screwed over, and screwed up mentally about sex and it’s time to unscrew yourself by getting screwed!”

-Deep Kick Girl (to The Good Girl…aka me), just this week

Deep Kick Girl of course is right. I needed to get my mojo back…not necessarily by getting screwed, but by at least opening myself up to possibilities.  I’ve started meditating again, writing, reading and as spring arrives in Melbourne I’m looking forward to walking every day again.

So I’ve decided to head back to the on-line dating site where I met the Producer, because I know it and I met some nice people there when I was last single. I am also trialing a couple of sites that are new to me, which is netting some quite hilarious, and hair raising results.

Every single woman gets sick of people asking why you’re still single. Some smug long-term coupled up people tend to live in bubbles and have lost sight of how complicated the dating game can be.  Let me clarify. It’s not actually hard to meet someone. You can meet a dozen people tomorrow if you don’t care who they are. It’s not hard to hook up with someone I’m sure, if you’re just after sex. (I’ve received a number of offers but declined). All the power to you by the way. Each to their own. However, if you want to date someone with the possibility of long term partnering, it’s not so straight forward.

It’s not that single women are “fussy”. Why settle for second best? And honestly, if I’ve learnt anything by now, if someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!

While I’ve actually chatted to some lovely people, I have to say that I have already had a number of bizarre and hair raising experiences in a short amount of time. If Captain America was living proof that good men exist in the world, some of the men I’ve encountered are sad reminders that for all the good, bad also exists. There are some total arseholes out there!

On the first site I joined, someone reached out to me via email. Skull Boy, as I now call him, could have sent me a free kiss but he jumped right in with an email, (which you have to pay for). Good looking (think Eric Bana look alike) and the ability to string a sentence together apparently doesn’t guarantee sane…or even normal! He reached out to tell me that he thought I had the most “perfectly formed skull” he had ever seen.

When I didn’t reply, he elaborated.

Skull Boy: You know when you see baby’s bums and they’re so cute, you want to bite them? That’s how I feel about your skull. It’s incredible. I want to bite it. I want to touch it, and run my fingers through your hair.

He did also go on to tell me that he was “trippin’ balls on pseudoephedrine and codeine ” and that his “cicadean rhythms” were out of wack.

I’m not sure if he was hoping to mount my perfectly shaped skull on a wall or shrink it down to hang from his rear view mirror. Who can say?! Needless to say I reported and blocked skull boy.

#whyamIsingle

I joined one particular free site at the suggestion of a friend. Within two days I was so inundated with messages that I felt completed overwhelmed. It took a millisecond to realise that I wasn’t being contacted because of my desirability. I was just fresh meat thrown into a dating pit. I’m pretty sure none of them read my profile and the majority of messages were carbon copied, such as “Hi”, or “how r u”, or “ur hot”…

Now, I don’t know about you but if you have to abbreviate the shortest of words, such are you and are, or if you can’t be bothered putting a sentence together, imagine how limited or lazy you are likely to be in a relationship! No thanks.

This particular site seemed to have a lot of rough diamonds, who didn’t care who I was, where I lived or if we had anything in common. Some made wild assumptions that I wouldn’t in any way be discerning! Some were left field. I mean surely there are specific sites for fetishists or kinky sex?

Mr 31: Hi. Are you a domme?

Me: Why on earth would you ask me that?

Mr 31: Coz you got that look about you and I need a dominatrix to punish me.

Me: Go away little boy

You have to laugh!

Or foot guy, who asked…no, begged, me to send him pictures of my feet. “Naked feet are so beautiful but if you are wearing heels, I’ll get excited…” Ummm!

Or the guy who just said “you into bondage?”  Well hi yourself!

Or this angelic fellow who fell from heaven just to say hello.

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Heavy sigh.  Did I put all fetishes welcome on my profile? No, I did not!

#whyamIsingle

Then there are the really classy guys who think women owe them something. The type of men who think, since they are middle aged and balding, that they are entitled to have women swoon at their feet with no effort on their part. The type of men who think that the very act of engaging you in conversation suddenly gives them rights over you. These are the misogynistic tools that are the scariest of all.

Like this charming guy, who simply didn’t like me saying no, even in the politest way. Sadly, there were several like him. I chose this one as an example to screenshot.

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Wow…I really let a good one go there! I’m a fuckwit indeed!

#whyamIsingle

Needless to say my journey with that dating site came to an abrupt end, even though through all the bottom feeders, occasionally someone nice would emerge. Sifting through the zombie apocalypse was too time consuming and a bit depressing really!

So then I joined the ever popular site which I was massively resistant because it’s got quite the reputation as a hook up site.I’m not a wombat who eats roots and leaves. I’m not looking for anything casual, but work colleagues convinced me it’s not just for hook ups (although, again if you’re into that, it absolutely an element of that).

I can understand the appeal. It’s easy and no one can tell when you swipe left for no, and if you swipe right for yes and so does the other person you are “matched” and can then chat. So it’s easy. The only problem is getting dating dyslexia and accidentally swiping right when you meant left! Doh! Or worse, seeing people you know! I saw my ex and of course swiped left (as I’m sure he did if he saw me, because that would be awkward if we Super-liked each other or got matched!).  As you sign up via Facebook, you can actually see who your match might know…also a little weird.  One guy asked me “So how do you know such-and-such”…weird.

Also what I noticed was a number of the same guys crop up on all the sites. One I saw on all three sites and matched with him on Tinder, where he said, “Well hello! We have to stop meeting like this…or do we?”  Hilarious.

There are some strange cats out there, and there needs to be some caution. As a woman that’s so crap that there has to be but these guys sadly are why we need feminism in the world! Still, I’ve chatted with enough lovely people to continue on the journey. I actually went on a date this week, but that’s a story for another day.

But in the meantime, now you might understand why some very awesome women are single!

Happy swiping!