I’ve been stressed of late. It’s a financially stressful time of year. I’ve been crazy busy at work…really busy. I’m still settling into a new life…a new home and the very new experience of living with the Producer which is really exciting but also life changing.
Of course there are teething problems. It makes sense. He’s never lived with kids (let alone teenagers) and he’s used to having his own space, and literally doing his own thing.
The gorgeous ones and I had our own routines too. We are of course used to sharing our space with each other – and now there is another person to consider.
Which is lovely, but we are all doing the negotiating dance. Add to the mix the fact that he’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert. We deal with things in different ways.
Halloween has always been the most favourite day of miss 16. I was raised with Halloween. My mother’s best friend came from Saltlake City, Utah, in the United States and she included us in her Halloween celebrations. She decorated her house and made pumpkin pie. She dressed us in costumes and took us truck or treating. She carved her own jack-o-lanterns which is where I learnt to carve mine! I didn’t this year by the way.
In turn, I raised my kids with Halloween and my friends got involved with their kids. We had a great time trick or treating over many years within our old neighbourhood where everyone got involved.
So tonight we decorated for Halloween. Our new home is in a quiet street. I doubt anyone will come trick or treating at our door but still my daughter insisted. “It’s still our Halloween” she declared. I love that about her.
The Producer possibly thought we were nuts but we put up our pirate skeletons and ghouls. It’s a tradition we have. We all gave them. Hey some kids like Barbie – mine always had a liking for creepy things!
I’m sure it’s intense for someone to suddenly be living with kids. I’ve been someone’s mother for 23 years. I honestly can’t really remember my life without them, but truthfully, even I notice the noise levels when they return from stints at their dad’s. It’s a fact of life that four people in a house is much noisier than a home for two.
It’s difficult to form new routines. In my former life, as a single parent I’ve not often had time to watch TV with my kids. While they watched TV I was busy cooking, washing and cleaning.
Now I’m probably overcompensating. I’m watching commercial TV with them. Maybe because I’m needing them to know I’m still here for them as I share space with the Producer. Maybe because we are suddenly sharing a house that is one third the size of other homes we’ve lived in and we are all suddenly finding ourselves in a smaller space.
I’m mindful that’s a huge change for the kids as well as me. I’m mindful that the Producer, formerly a bit of a lone wolf, is finding himself suddenly surrounded by people. When he referred to himself as such recently, Mr 14 told him, “you’re part of our pack now.” Which was very sweet because it was heartfelt.
I’m negotiating less intimacy. Ugh!! That’s a tough one for me because we’ve always shared a hot and heavy sex life. Suddenly we are negotiating teenager’s rooms in close proximity to ours, and I’m not exactly quiet! The Idea of having sex within ear shot of them doesn’t bode well with the Producer. I can understand that, but I am getting twitchy.
I’m learning huge lessons about myself. We are all filled up by different things. Intimacy is very important to me. Human touch with someone I’m in love with is important. It makes me feel sexy and wanted when I am lusted after. I’m sure I’m not alone there. I think that’s true for a lot of people.
It’s not just about sex (though I quite unapologetically love sex). It’s about sharing space with my man that is just about us.
I’m getting used to his ways which are of course as unusual to me as my ways no doubt are for him. Our time together was very much focused on each other previously. Now we are actually living together. Dishes, washing, paying bills, checking homework and all. It’s the real world. We are mindful of making plans without checking in with each other which is foreign for us both.
So we are negotiating space, routines and each other. Still, I’m so grateful to be here even on the days when it feels like we are all walking on proverbial egg shells! I love him and he’s brilliant with the kids.
As he so rightfully pointed out, right now we have 80% awesomeness. The other 20%, we will either throw out, change, negotiate or learn to live with!
We are getting to know one another after all. And on Halloween, I think it’s fitting that some bones will rattle! (Though I wish it was my bones! Ha!). I can’t help being an optimist! I think it’s all going to be okay. We love each other madly. That’s pretty huge. I think if we are okay, the kids will be okay too.
And if no one comes to our door to trick or treat? That’s all the more lollies for us as we get freaked out as a pack, watching horror films!