, , , ,

A good friend of mine, the blonde Bombshell, was recently reading an article about Elle McPherson while she was waiting at an airport.

What struck her most about the article, she explained, was that Elle – for all of her world renowned stunningness, glamour and off the chart hotness – had been so insecure in her earlier modelling career that she simply couldn’t comprehend her own beauty, or why anyone else would.

Elle went on to say that as she’s gotten older, she now appreciates herself – for all she was then as well as now. For the blonde Bombshell, reading that article was a light bulb moment for herself. I call them “a-ha!” moments, when the penny drops and something just makes perfect sense.

I think many of us share this in common with Elle McPherson, and most women on the planet. We simply cannot see how amazing we are in our teens, or twenties. In our thirties we start to emotionally grow and for me at least, my 40’s have been like the dawning of wisdom!

Looking back – I really wish I was as fat now as I’d perceived myself to be at the age of 18, or at 22 as a young mum (thinking I was so overweight but still wearing size 8), or in my twenties when I was less aware of all I was or could be.

What is it with us women? When i found myself separated and suddenly single, I was forced into a metamorphosis of sorts. I deconstructed myself. I lost a lot of weight – though I’m sure most of that was stress – but i was also forced to examine who I really was.

Not as a mum or a friend or a colleague, or a partner. As a woman. I rediscovered myself in a way I’m sure I could never have done if I was still in that marriage, or if I hadn’t had to suddenly navigate a single life.

I rediscovered a number of things about myself. I could write and I was passionate about it when I did so. When I started to write again, i remembered that it made my soul sing a little.

I also discovered that I was fun to be around. I’d been so broken and upset for so long, I forgot that I had a sense of humour, and I was a girl who loved to entertain and quite loved a great night out. I like getting dressed up and going out to watch live bands or hand a boogie with my girlfriends.

I made my children laugh. I loved hanging out with my kids as a single parent.

I grew my hair long and I loved it.

I rediscovered my love of music. I started playing it loudly to drown out the silence of my hone when the kids were not around and in doing so, rediscovered bands I loved!

I rediscovered my sexuality…damn how brilliant was that!

I plugged into my love of getting my hair coloured. I’ve always dyed my hair but I started to love it again. (As I write this I’m in the chair at the salon rocking a red do…). I changed up my make up. I started getting manicures and pedicures on occasion.
I am now a little addicted to shellac on my nails (much to the detriment of my nails I’m sure).

More importantly I discovered new things about myself. I saw myself through new eyes. As a woman, I started to appreciate my curves…even the ample bits. I embraced my large breasts where before I’d grizzled about them. I did housework in my underwear when alone.

I’m not perfect. My weight fluctuates. I lose it and I gain it. I have stretch marks and a cesarean scar that goes from hip to hip which left me with a never-to-be-flat again stomach. I started to view these as the triumphant victory scars of motherhood, having had 3 miscarriages in my life, but also knowing the intense joy of holding my three children in my arms and raising them. As my heart stopped during the labour of my eldest child, those scars represent his life, and mine. Something I don’t take lightly.

I’ve started to trust myself and my intuition. I am no longer living my life worrying as much about others opinions and views of me. I listen to my heart and I follow my own advice. I did that for years – trying to be all things to all people – and it’s exhausting. In the end you simply cannot make everyone happy, but you can be true to yourself.

I feel sexier in my 40’s, with all of my flaws, than I did in my 20’s. I’m just more comfortable in my own skin. I can finally praise myself for all the great things I do and for who I am. I know my flaws, but I choose not to dwell on them as much.

I have moments of insecurity. Recently even I’ve had a few, possibly because moving in with the Producer has called for adjustments. I’ve held jealously to my independence and space, I’m sure! So today I remind myself to chill out a little and go with the flow.

Though I am physically never going to be like Elle McPherson, I can celebrate myself for exactly who I am now, we we all should. The one thing I’ve learnt is this. Confidence is sexy. You should wear it everyday! Some of the sexiest women I know truly are so because they feel confident.

As the saying goes, love you self first abc the rest will follow! Enjoy being you because you are amazing just the way you are. The greatest gift in life is just liking who you are!

It’s a revelation.