They may say, Those are the days,
But in a way,
You know for us these are the days,
Yes, for us these are the days,
And you know you’re my girl…
Such a classic girl.
– Jane’s Addiction – Classic Girl (Ritual De Lo Habitual)
I’ve been a little busy and preoccupied of late. I’ve been on the job hunt, looking for a new role and starting to inwardly freak out about not having an income coming in to the coffers. It’s a very real concern when you have bills and rent to pay and children to feed. I’ve come to think that food and a roof over your head are of paramount importance and while things aren’t dire yet, I’ve absolutely had moments of oh-my-god-I’m- an-unemployed-single-parent!
As a born optimist, I don’t like it when doubt crawls in. Nor do I like it when I start to get grumpy and needy. I mean really, how on earth is that helpful? Well, sometimes logic goes out the door – sometimes emotions creep in. Take last week for example when I contacted the Producer thinking I would go with him to a scheduled medical appointment.
I had gone with him to his last appointment to his doctor. Actually, what was funny about that appointment was that I’d been wearing bright red lipstick as I am sometimes prone to do. Before we left, I had been lying in the Producer’s arms and as I got up, I impulsively lifted his shirt and kissed his tummy, leaving red lipstick marks. When we eventually saw the female doctor some time later, she lifted his shirt to listen to his back. I was sitting and he was standing and there it was! The very red outline of my lips! I didn’t make eye contact. When she asked him to lay down so she could prod his stomach, she lifted his shirt and all I could do was grin. The Producer, being completely none the wiser, came across as all rock star cool! I can’t imagine what the poor doctor thought (okay, I can absolutely imagine!). When I told the Producer later, we both cracked up! Hilarious!
So on this morning, he declined my offer to go along, citing that he needed to be there way too early in the morning. Which was true, he did. So, my inner pudgy fingered child kind of stepped forward, with her chubby arms crossed and her lip pouting. Her too-big-for-her-face-eyes welling with tears.
But, you said I could…that’s what she wanted to say. But didn’t. Instead the much more grown up (but still pouty) me said, “I’m feeling very insecure right now. Should I be?”
Here’s the thing. In times of stress you can bet your bottom dollar that old fears find a portal for rearing their head. In my case, life has taught me that often when the going gets tough, sometimes people walk away. Not that the Producer thinks the times have gotten tough. Nor does he think of me as a liability in any way. Again, that’s my own negative self talk.
So the next morning, on a freezing Melbourne day, I received a text message from my favourite person telling me that he wasn’t going anywhere because he loves me. Then he sent me a link to a song. Classic Girl by Jane’s Addiction. I hadn’t heard that song for too many years and when I played it, I started to cry…this time happy tears. I’m never going to be that gorgeous hippy girl like the one that appears in the film clip. Think flowers in your hair, ethereal beauty. Other women in the Producer’s life have been that girl. Tattooed beauties with dreadlocks or Betty Page fringes.
Though I think a lot of my ideologies are grounded in hippie roots, I’m just too controlled. Too organised in life. Though I am a bit of an earth mother, a natural protector and nurturer and a deep feeler of all things emotional. I’m okay with not being the free thinking hippie chick because I know the Producer fell in love with me for the woman I am. A deep thinking lover of life. I’m not an unattainable dream. I’m just me.
I am, I like to think, his classically classy chick.
He makes my bloody heart sing, this creative with a passion for music.
Music speaks to the heart, I feel. I have several songs on my play list that I hear and can only think of him. Every time I hear For You by Angus and Julia Stone, I can’t not think of my man.
“If you love me with all of your heart,
If you love me,,
I will make you a star in my universe…”
It’s so beautiful to know that sometimes the music that fills his heart sometimes reminds him of me too.
We have a song! Classic Girl! I won’t read too much into the wedding theme of the film clip (because that would be silliness), my heart is open and I’m so happy to be his girl.
What about you? What’s your favourite song?