This week I had the privilege of lunching with two incredible writers!
Chatting with these two beautiful and accomplished writers over lunch (they cooked amazing food and I did what I’m good at – I supplied great bubbles…and successfully opened said bottles of champagne and poured those bubbles brilliantly without titling a glass!) was just lovely as we discussed love, life, weddings, writing, and the libidos of women beyond 40!
I’m becoming a “lady who lunches” and secretly I quite like it!
In general, discussing relationships, dating and sex with other women is such a leveller! It reminds us that we’re all human and okay. You throw all doubt away.
At some point we’ve all been in one or several of the following categories: single, suddenly single, happily single, miserably single, resigned-to-being-single, friends, friends-with-benefits, fuck-buddies, booty-calls, dating, hopefully dating, on-line dating, exclusive, monogamous, in a relationship, engaged, happily married, unhappily married, separated, divorced…suddenly single…you get the picture!
I’ve fitted into a number of categories over the years! As we talked, one of us was currently single, one in a relationship and one newly engaged.
Obviously, I’m the one now in a relationship with the Producer and I have to say that it’s been a surprising and lovely ride. I’m not the one who is engaged!
The Producer is a fiercely private, inner city, politically left, intellectual dude. So last week when he posted very publicly on Facebook that we were in a RELATIONSHIP, I almost passed out. The big R.
He posted it and then sent me a text alerting me and hoping it was okay. Wow. So, I’ve been on FB for years now and I’ve actually never had a “relationship status”…so it was kind of a big deal…and lovely. And public. I wasn’t expecting that.
In social media terms, that’s the equivalent of shouting from a roof top, or a mountain, that he loves me and we are together. Facebook asked me if I “accepted”…well, Der!
Yes Facebook mediator, I do!
I knew, given how private he is, what a huge thing that was. He has in recent weeks referred to me as his “better half” when introducing me in person, and referring to me on social media.
I’ve thought about that. I don’t think I’m his better half . I’ve reasoned within myself. I’m just his ‘other half’, because this is an equally weighted relationship. Of course when I was younger, I wanted the whole fairytale. Even if it was an illusion.
What I want now, at 44, is something real. That I have, and I’m loving it. He’s doing a brilliant job of navigating being with a woman with teenage kids. He’s being his brilliant self and the kids are just enjoying his company.
Miss 16 is treating him like family. She is being sassy, which requires great trust for her. Recently she told him to “shut up” (cue teenage tone) but she’s also hugged him several times.
Mr 13 is loving the Producer’s attendance at his football games and told me recently that the Producer “is a dude. Mum. He gets it”. (Note; in response to a conversation about how many chip packets I pick up from his bedroom floor).
The Producer has become far more open in terms of expressing affection. That too I think comes with trust. He tells he that he loves me often. He has told me he’d like to spend the rest of his life with me.
Now – to clarify here, he didn’t say he’d like to put a ring on it…although he did offer me onions rings from the fish and chip shop…but that’s not the same thing!
In amongst all that, he’s still sending tingles down my spine. He’s cheeky in all the right ways. He’s still making this Good Girl feel quite wicked and weak at the knees. Sigh and swoon…
But that’s a story for another day!