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It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

Buddha

 teenage exorcists

Before you think that I’ve suddenly switched from The Good Girl to a vampire slayer in the form of Buffy (though wouldn’t that be just a little bit awesome?), I should explain that last night I watched a documentary about three American cheerleader exorcists who actually think you can inherit demons via sex!

Well, I don’t pretend to be an expert on ridding anyone of unwanted nasties, but I had a light bulb moment. That might just explain a lot about guys I happened to meet and go on dates with when I was single!

I mean if all bad behaviour is the supposed work of the devil, then perhaps a lot of guys are inhabited by demons? Who knew?! Commitment phobic? Work of the devil. Sexist and misogynist? Yep, you guessed it…Lucifer has been there. Is he sleeping with a whole lot of chicks and /or prostitutes? Ah-ha! That’s proof enough that evil apparently is everywhere! Treating you generally like crap? Well, ladies it may not be his fault…perhaps the King of Hell made him do it?

Okay, I don’t really buy that! I think we are all of course largely responsible for our own choices and behaviours but I really had to smirk while I watched the cross-waiving all American chicks trying to oust demons from clearly not-quite-right individuals, who might have been better off talking about their issues with a counsellor.

As any single woman will attest to, getting back in the dating game after a long-term marriage or relationship is already fraught with enough hazards.

Sexually transmitted diseases are real and something to be ever mindful of and guarded against but wow…sexually transmitted demons?! Surely there is no prophylactic on the market equipped to deal with that conundrum?

All jokes aside, it raises an interesting point. It’s a well-known fact that when women orgasm they release endorphins (think Oxytocin people) and my lovely friend Naina thinks this is why sex really does complicate matters. As she so rightly pointed out, once a woman sleeps with a man, there is a greater risk of women feeling emotionally involved. This isn’t always the case (and especially not so for men in my humble experience), but she may be on to something.

Once a woman sleeps with a man she really likes (I’m excluding the one night stand scenario here), she probably is more likely to put up with bad behaviour, at least in the short-term. Oxytocin makes us feel more loving and caring and no doubt, forgiving. So perhaps in that sense, a demon really is sexually transmitted! Once the high wears off, we come to our senses and rid ourselves (hopefully) of guys who are not treating us well.

If by sexually transmitted demons however we mean scars and ghosts from our pasts carried into new relationships then that makes more sense! Rarely are we completely baggage free by the time we hit our 40’s and beyond.  Hopefully we have dealt with all the major issues in the journey between one relationship demise and the beginning of something new but I’ve spoken to many people where that is not the case. While I’ve dealt with a lot of my baggage, there are still occasions where ghosts whisper from my childhood or from my past marriage. The voices are dull and these days I can usually tell them to rack off, but there are times when those voices lead to vulnerability.

The more you are able to face things, and start to heal, the less control those faint ghosts have over your current life of course. That’s not always an easy process. Sometimes in the not letting go of baggage we are doomed to repeat the same type of relationships over and over again, or at the very least be continually scarred by the remnants of the past.

I have one gorgeous friend for example who developed major trust issues when in an emotionally abusive relationship.  By her own admission it manifested itself in the form of major jealously, which is understandable. She struggles now in her current relationship to completely rid herself of feelings of jealousy. She is now in a relationship with someone incredibly understanding and loving who understands where her issues have come from. Given that he’s patient and reassuring, her level of trust is slowly growing.

Then there are people who are so invested in negative feelings about their ex’s that they might as well still be living with that ex. Let’s face it, if you are constantly fixated on your ex and they are consuming all of your thoughts (negatively or positively) then their ghost still sits at your dining table with you, travels in your car and sadly, goes on dates with you.  I’m not a psychologist but even I know that’s not a healthy way to live. If you are clinging to the ghostly remains of love-gone-wrong, there is simply no room in your life to begin a relationship with someone new. They will be forever competing for head and heart space.

Self-doubt and negative self-talk is a real demon for a lot of people. I get a buzz about talking to people who have been on quite emotional and spiritual journeys and have come out on the other side with a much more positive outlook on life and relationships. My gorgeous friend Bella, who has in the past worked closely with people with emotional issues always has enlightened advice when it comes to matters of the heart.

She reminded me once that we are all human and that for some the journey to let go of past hurts and fears is simply too frightening. Some people have held onto their negative baggage for so long, they fear what will be left of them if they simply let it go. They feel too naked even at the thought!

Others though are simply ready for the journey and the hard work involved at looking at themselves and their past issues and are quite excited about evolving and letting go. We are all different and it really does depend on the issues of course!

The human mind is a complex creation. It’s never a simple thing to exorcise our own demons. We are after all a product of our experiences. I’m not sure we can let ourselves off the hook by blaming the devil or any other manifestations for our bad behaviour. No matter how scarred we might be from the past is that an excuse to be a dick to the next person? I say no, we don’t. Sometimes though the old crap will just spilleth over.

I think we have enough of our own real issues to contend with, without worrying about those of the demonic kind! So if you’re heading out on a date, don’t reach for the garlic and crucifix just yet! Oh, and I for one am not planning on giving up sex anytime soon, but you probably already guessed that!

 

 

 

Footnote:

If you want to check out the Teenage Exorcists  (Brynne Larson and sistesr, Tess and Savanah Scherkenbeck) you can go to their official website at:

http://www.teenageexorcists.com/