You have good taste. You should date who you want. Just know though, if I want to creep them out, I’m going to call him Daddy…

My Kid, Mr 22

Anyone following the blog will know that I rarely mention my kids. Not because I don’t think they rock – because they really do, but because this is clearly not a mummy blog. I must stress also that some of my favourite bloggers are writing blogs centred around parenthood and all that comes with raising families, so in no way is the term “Mummy Blog” meant with any condescension either.

Writing a blog about dating and sex does somewhat limit the references to the teenagers that live under my roof. It’s been a very conscious decision, given the subject matter of my blog posts. It’s not often conducive to talking about the gorgeous ones…Imagine that. Today let’s talk about getting your ass spanked…and did I mention my kid got good grades? Umm, I think not!

I’m very close to my kids, all three of them, but what I tell them about my love life is usually vague and limited, although always truthful. Let’s face it, I’ve never introduced them to a potential mate so I think the fascination levels for them are pretty high. Miss 15 is prone to asking me from time to time if I’m dating anyone. She’s at an age where she’s all about the romance, and hoping her mum is going to be swept up in one. She’s my biggest fan, and she’s very good for my ego. She is often telling me how hot I am and comments on my outfits and shoes. Bless her gorgeous heart.

So I told them that I am actually seeing someone…like, in a relationship.

Wait! What?!

Yes, I know kiddos…it’s pretty amazing even when I say it out loud, and suddenly very real. My kids knew that I had dated to Producer before. They knew then we were friends. Their knowledge of him was pretty vague. They know general facts – He’s a Producer (obviously), he’s tall, he has blue eyes. He’s funny and he makes me laugh. Very generic Your-mum’s-dating-a-guy stuff.

The word ‘Relationship’ apparently gave them permission to morph into little pseudo parents! They asked questions. A lot of questions. Some of them were actually hard to answer.

So, he’s your boyfriend? Mr 13 asked me. How do you answer that? It raises the question of what do you call your lover when you are in your 40’s? Is partner more appropriate? Can I say he’s my man or is that too bohemian? My response to Mr 13 was “Yes. I guess he is.”

I hadn’t said that out loud before either. Oh wow…the Good Girl has a boyfriend?

Of course they were curious about this dude that makes their mother smile in all kinds of ways. My love life must seem elusive, or at times non-existent to them, and I’m inclined to think it’s been better that way. Their dad has been in a relationship for some time and now lives with his fiancé. They were engaged 4 months into their relationship, so my children are no strangers to the concept of having a parent dating and being in a serious relationship. This has obviously paved an easier path for me.

They know I’ve known the Producer for some time, but I explained that things have changed. We really like each other.

Really like? Or really, really like? Asked Miss 15, raising her eyebrows at me.

Really, really like. I swear, I might have even blushed answering that. It’s all about how you emphasise the “really” apparently.

Miss 15 wanted to know if he owns books…that’s important to her. She can’t conceive that I would be with anyone who didn’t have books. It’s her thing. Yes, he has a shit load of books. He has books piled up everywhere. He actually reads them. He’s very intelligent. She nodded her approval.

Mr 13 wanted to know if he played video games and if so, was he good at them. Yes he does and I can assume he’s good at them. I’ve never played video games with him. He seemed bemused by that. He asked what we actually do with our time together then. Ummm…a lot of things. Movies, dinners, museum visits… Just not video games.

Mr 13 also wanted to know if we kiss “and stuff”…I was trying not to blush. Well, yeah!

Mr 22 hugged me. He thinks the Producer sounds pretty cool. He told me to be careful in his most father like tone, and I smirked.

The upshot to all of this is that my kids were incredibly open to the thought of me being in a relationship. They want me to be happy. They then expressed an interest in meeting him, which is all new for me.  As I’ve said before, he is the first man in my life that I feel I could introduce my kids to…eventually and when and if we are both ready for that. Yes, yes, I’m nervous. It’s a big deal!

Thinking about it, I have no doubt that my kids are going to like him and that is perhaps where my protectiveness takes over and I start to get twitchy. I’ve never seen the Producer with kids but I have a feeling he’ll be just fine. He has such a gentleness and cheekiness about him. He makes silly boy jokes and he’s very into music. He understands video games and has a lust for electronic gadgets. Yep, my kids are going to like him. I have no doubt. After all, he is the only person in my life that my dog will disobey me for! I kid you not.

I pointed out quite casually that the relationship with the Producer and I was very new and it was early days.

My daughter has a wicked tongue-in-cheek sense of humour and she was, in trying to suss out what kind of guy her mum might date, making suggestions about celebrities she’d be okay with should I ever bring them home…

In the end the three of them weighed in, coming up with a list of “10 famous guys their mother could date”, if I was single (and assuming I’d ever meet a celebrity!).  There seemed to be an alarming sway to bad boys on their list by the way, and some pretty dodgy choices! Is this a scary insight into the kinds of people my kids are attracted to and admire?! They were of course trying to out-do one another and I was frantically taking notes in the end so I could share the love!

Miss 15’s top picks of potential celebrity dates:

  1. Anthony Kiedis (pronounced Kee-diss)

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The lead singer for The Red Hot Chili Peppers is turning 51 today as it so happens…I find that incredibly hard to believe! He is still holding his own. While all members of my little clan are mad for the Chili Peppers I almost choked that this was my daughter’s first pick for her red-hot mamma!  I’m in awe of his ability to kick his drug addiction and stay clean and then go on to live a highly creative and successful life but this dude has a liking for the much younger ladies, and is reportedly a serial dater…he has however drawn inspiration from his lovers to write the lyrics of a number of songs. His autobiography Scar Tissue was fascinating reading. Okay, I do like quirky…

Her explanation:  What’s not to love, Mum? It’s Anthony friggin Kiedis.

  1. Robert Downey Jnr

Robert Downey Jnr

This 48-year-old American actor is as famous for his stunning crashes as he is for his successes…this boy doesn’t do anything by halves. He is credited though for having the best come back career in Hollywood, but then he’s an exceptional actor. That face probably doesn’t help either. I had a major crush on this dude in the 80’s. Yeah, but who didn’t. Tragically he’s had a long history of battles with substance abuse and has been in jail more than once. Although he seems clean and sober right now, it’s sad to hear his son has just entered rehab. He has definitely gotten better looking with age, but I much prefer him in Sherlock Holmes to Ironman.

Her explanation: He’s funny and cheeky and he’d make me laugh. Bless.

  1. Johnny Depp

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Okay, good choice here little miss!  He’s 50 years old now…really?! Though I saw in the news a few days ago that he has dyed his hair blonde, and it looks terrible, it’s hard for this guy to put a foot wrong. Sadly, girls, he’s been with his 27-year-old girlfriend for two years. He is a serial monogamist, which women find a little sexy and damn can he rock the shit out of a pirate beard! Arrgh…He is the thinking woman’s celebrity crush – mysterious, guarded, and an exceptional character actor. He’s also a musician and a wine maker and yes, he donates insane amounts of money to children’s hospitals, and animal rights groups amongst other charities. He is often outspoken and controversial in regards to what he sees as the “erosion of American values” and in terms of religion, he says, “Yes, I have faith…in my kids.”

Her explanation: He’s just so funny but he has dreamy eyes. Like a poet.  Sigh.

  1. Leonardo DiCaprio

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The Californian boy is almost 40…almost, but not quite! What can you say about Leo? Smart, funny and bloody good-looking in a screen idol kind of way. He’s an amazing actor, playing everything from a mentally challenged kid in What’s eating Gilbert Grape, to the very suave and damaged Gatsby in Baz Lurhman’s box office smash. He seems eternally youthful and when interviewed he seems to possess depth. He is a committed environmentalist and wins praise from many environmental groups (among them the Wildlife Conservation Society) for getting his hands dirty in the fight for environmental issues. He is also known for his philanthropy, donating money and time for children’s charities and environmental groups. He was active in the political campaign for Obama…You have to like a heart throb greenie, with a political bent, right?

Her explanation: He’s gorgeous and he’s really socially minded. He’s big on environmental issues. He really cares about wildlife and he’s a great actor.

Note: Simon Baker was on Miss 15’s original list but she changed her mind as she felt she would be crushing on him too much herself and therefore he could never date her mum!

Mr 13 Top Picks of potential celebrity dates:

  1. Christian Bale

Christian Bale

When Mr 13 pulled this rabbit out of the hat, I at first recoiled. Really dude? Batman? Then I remembered there is far more to this guy than a rubber suit! For a start his dad (now deceased) is the legendary David Bale, the animal rights activist. The there is this tid bit! His step mother is none other than the Feminist activist, Gloria Steinem. I kid you not. Christian Bale is one of those insanely great character actors. He lost a dangerous amount of weight to star in The Machinist and then had to gain back 45kg to play Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins (2005). He reprised the role to play Batman again in The Dark Knight (2008) and again for The Dark Knight Rises (2012).  He has a major flirtation though for independent and art house films and gains a lot of respect for his roles in films such as Harsh Times, where he played an Afghanistan war veteran with PTSD. Like his dad, Christian is an active campaigner for the rights of animals and publicly supports Greenpeace and the World Wildlife fund. I’m thinking dinner at the Bale/Steinem table would be fascinating!

His explanation: He’s Batman…say it with me, Mum. I’m Batman…Oh dear God

  1. Wes Craven

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Wow! Now this one came right out of left field but Mr 13 was adamant that he was definitely to stay on the top 10 list. This film director, writer and producer is of course most famous for his horror films such as A Nightmare on Elm Street (featuring the now iconic Freddie Krueger) , the Scream movies (featuring Ghostface) and The People Under the Stairs to name a few. Highly intelligent, Craven was formerly a Professor of Humanities, teaching at universities and you might not know that he actually started his career in the Adult Film industry. Craven admits he made many X-rated films under pseudonyms. His first entry into the mainstream industry was as a sound editor…ah, the twists and turns of life! He’s married several times and is actually someone’s dad! He always had a fascination for the horror genre and has become the god father of all things creepy that go bump in the night. A Nightmare on Elm Street was the first horror flick that kept me from sleeping and scared the crap out of me!  I think dinner with the obscure Craven though might be left of centre and a lot of fun!

His Explanation: He’s smart and has a wicked sense of humour. Imagine being at his house on Halloween.  Good point!

  1. Eminem (Marshall Mathers III) aka Slim Shady

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Okay, give me strength, kid. Now you’re really taking the piss! No…apparently he wasn’t. You get that this guy has a history of domestic violence and drug abuse, right? There is no denying that this guy (he’s actually 41 now and still breathing) is insanely successful and undoubtedly the most famous white rapper of all time. He grew up in a predominantly African-American community in Detroit and was often bullied and frequently beaten up. By his own admission he really did grow up in a trailer park, and had best friends gunned down ironically on 8 Mile Road. He starred in the hip hop film 8 Mile as “Rabbit” – art imitating life.  He was addicted to prescription medications and later methadone for years and finally entered rehab and cleaned himself up in 2008. He has a long history of issues with the law – everything from gun charges to domestic violence and everything in between. He’s a successful rapper, a music producer and owns his own record label, Shady Records. A devoted dad, he admits he’s not keen for his children to listen to his albums. No stranger to controversy, he has been admonished for being homophobic (though Elton John is his personal friend and helped him through his rehabilitation). He created a charity (The Marshall Mathers Foundation) that assists underprivileged youth in the Detroit area. I admire his determination to make a life for himself. Could this bad boy of rap ever be fully reformed? Nah…but that’s why we like him. Could I date him? Hell no!

His explanation: I’m not sure what he said, to be honest. Mr. 13 is man crushing on the Emster so much that I kind of tuned out!

Top picks of the Adult kid:

  1. George Clooney

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George has been tagged the Sexiest Man Alive several times, and seems to be getting better with age. From his days in ER to his latest acting stint in Gravity, he’s just got it going on. He is also though a true humanitarian. He is part of the Not on Our Watch Project, an organisation that focuses on global attempts to stop mass atrocities (along with buddies, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt). He has consistently raised money for the American Foundation for Equal Rights, as well as the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). GLSEN focusses on creating safe educational environments for kids who are lesbian, gay or bisexual. He’s been divorced and linked with an endless string of beautiful chicks, but his passion is his pet pot belly pigs. Go figure. Would I date him? Well, I certainly wouldn’t knock back a coffee!

His Explanation: Because hey, you can’t not love him…and he has a Nespresso machine. Touché.

  1. Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais

Really? Okay that surprised me! Funny man, Ricky Gervais, is the English comedian who stars in The Office, and more recently Derek. The controversial actor also hosted the Golden Globe awards with his usual tongue in cheek style. He’s cutting and whip smart. He’s also a Producer (!) and director and has lived with his girlfriend of 31 years, the screen writer Jane Fallon. On marriage, he says, “there’s no point in us having an actual ceremony before the eyes of God because there is no God”. You have to love an opinionated comic!

His Explanation: He’s a nice guy, and he’s raw and honest…as long as he’s not gay. I don’t think he’s gay…Nope, he’s not.

  1. Colin Firth

Colin Firth

Oh, well, thank you! Everyone reading the blog knows that I have a long-standing crush on the character Mr Darcy, and I developed quite a crush on Colin Firth when he played the Human rights lawyer, Mark Darcy, in Bridget Jones Diary. What’s not to like about this guy? He is the pin-up boy for  Mr Darcy, having played the character on many occasions in both British TV and film, and later in the romantic adaptation of Bridget. A trained thespian, he also won a Golden Globe, BAFTA and Academy Award for his role in The King’s Speech. Proving though he’s the “thinking man’s actor”, he’s a vocal advocate of human rights and is an active member of Survival International, an organization that defends the rights of native Peoples. He is also a supporter of the Refugee Council and fought to stop the deportation of 42 Asylum seekers from Britain back to the Democratic Republic of Congo.

His explanation: Because I love you, mum…it’s Mr. Darcy. Sigh and swoon.

Given that I’m never likely to meet any of the celeb pick above, it’s quite a funny exercise. What it proves though are that my kids are free thinkers. Clearly they value social justice, animal activists and environmentalists…the strange and unusual…a good sense of humour…oh, and a little bit of facial hair!

I’m thinking they just might love my reality guy, the Producer, more than they realise!

Note:  There were several other contenders that didn’t make the list, amongst them were the comedian Stephen K. Amos, Arnold Schwarzenegger (WTF?!), Lionel Messi and James Spader.

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