Sex is part of nature. I go along with nature.

– Marilyn Monroe

Washing machine

Okay so I have written a couple of blog posts over the last couple of weeks which I totally meant to share with you today. I mean, I’ve been writing quite a lot which is a good thing after emerging from my self-confessed pity party last week. I had a bit more time on my hands, given that there is no man in my life and I slowed my normally hectic social life down a couple of notches to catch my breath and get my bearings.

So I have a confession to make. I damn well miss sex.

There! I said it!  I don’t mean I miss it in a neurotic can’t-stop-thinking-about-it-and-I’m-desperate kind of way. I just mean I miss it in a nostalgic  “I really like sex” kind of way. And I do really quite like sex.  Oh come on, who doesn’t? It’s been a little while…let’s keep in mind that I have been flying solo for many, many weeks now!

I write a blog based on dating and sex behind the picket fence, and ironically I am doing neither right now!

I don’t think that it will come as much of a shock these days to anyone that women actually enjoy sex as much as men…unless of course you happen to be the latest PM of our fair country who doesn’t seem to be particularly clued into the ways of the woman (despite declaring himself Minister of women’s affairs). I wonder what the Prime Minister’s views might be on women missing sex? I digress.

So what’s a girl to do about such a dilemma? Apart from the most obvious of course…clearly I understand the concept of helping oneself!

Hell, the concept of women taking ownership of their own gratification became incredibly mainstream recently when Woolworths became the first Australian supermarket chain to sell sex toys! To be precise they were selling the Durex “Play delight vibrating bullet” for the bargain price of $24.95! That’s a whole lot cheaper than one would expect to pay! Unfortunately Woollies removed them from the shelves, bowing to pressure from right-wing conservative Christian groups who felt selling such a product was eroding family values. Well. I don’t know about that!

In the 1970’s depressed housewives worldwide were downing Valium with dubious liqueurs like Blackberry nip and Advocaat. I say the 2013 version of “mummy’s little helper” is much healthier and a whole lot more fun!

Since supermarkets have been selling condoms and lubricants for years (and so they should), the vibrating bullet should have been allowed to stay on shelves for consumers to choose. Affordable pleasure for the masses I say!  Granted I think all sex-related products shouldn’t be placed in the baby food aisle, but yes, they most definitely have their place.

I was telling a friend of mine today that I am missing sex. She herself hasn’t partaken in any sexual escapades for three weeks and said she is already missing it! (Actually what she said was “Hell yes!). She emphatically expressed that yes, women miss sex when we are not getting any, and especially when you are not the kind of girl who is going to just sleep with someone for the sake of a bit of rough and tumble. I’m not really built that way. I’m not into one night stands and I like to get to know someone before it gets hot and steamy. Yes, I’m a sexual being with values…shoot me!

I was thinking about the amount of attention porn is getting in the media of late. I have mixed feelings about the amount of porn apparently being hungrily consumed across the globe. I for one have no issue with pornography, but I understand that views on the subject vary greatly from one person to the next. I have no issue with adults watching soft porn if they feel so inclined but I draw the line at my 13-year-old being bombarded with pornographic advertisements when he’s downloading more innocent things on the internet (yes, that really happened the other night!).

I do however feel more strongly about porn that involves brutality or rape scenes. Now, I’m not suggesting people can’t be into S&M or whatever takes their fancy. No one died and made me God…but the issue with porn involving this is the not knowing if those involved in the porn are consenting or not. I worry also that if guys are watching endless hours of porn, does it change their perception of what “normal” sex is meant to be. Do they then expect women to act and sound like porn stars? The extreme rise in women thinking they need labia surgery so they look more like porn stars might set alarm bells ringing.

The mind boggles.

I’m sure every man I have ever been in a relationship with has watched porn. How much and how often varied. None of them, to my knowledge, were deviants. They just liked porn.

Here’s the thing about me though. I rarely watch porn. It’s never been my thing and I think it is a truism that more men are into porn than women. I’ve watched it, sure. I’m 44 years old, and hardly a prude! I think men are far more visual than women (although for the record, I have met women who are indeed voyeuristic), but I think women tend to have more vivid imaginations.

I also think it takes women longer than men to start craving sex (although again I have one friend who has, by her own admission, a very high sex drive).  I’m speaking in general terms. I asked around my girlfriends to see if any of them were into watching porn. A few said they were happy to watch it with a partner but none actually said they were watching it by themselves.

Most though quite happily admitted to owning a vibrator and not many were shy about masturbation. Why would they be, Woolworths?

Regardless the porn industry is huge (excuse the pun). Back In 2001 Forbes magazine estimated that the adult entertainment industry might be worth as much as US$3.9 Billion. I recently read an interesting article by Rachel Hodin who took a “6 month foray” into porn in Brooklyn, New York and wrote about it for Thought Catalogue in her article “17 Little known facts about the Porn Industry”.

Ah the things you find out through reading!

So do men really have a higher sex drive than women? Well, according to everything I’ve read, yes they do. It is no doubt a physiological and hormonal hard wiring and I am cool with that. Does that mean though that women don’t think about sex and we don’t crave it from time to time? Not at all. I’m living proof that chicks do miss sex. Studies often prove that men are more likely to actively seek sexual relationships than women but I don’t feel apologetic either for having a healthy libido.

What I am missing most about sex, apart from the obvious thrill, is the intimacy. The heat generated by skin on skin contact. The intensity of eyes locking at crucial moments. I’m missing the kind of sex where you get so lost in the moment you can’t hear yourself (although no doubt the neighbours can)!  Honestly, you could have sex with anyone, but there is nothing better than sex with a partner that knows you better than you know yourself, where trust is given and bone shaking brilliance entails.

Swoon and sigh.

Perhaps all this talk of sex isn’t helping my cause, and it may make me look like a sex depraved nympho. Hardly! I’m merely saying I’m a healthy adult and sometimes I miss the sexual intimacy that comes with having a partner.

So, in saying all of this, I’m feeling ready to get back to the real world and start dating again. If I have the opportunity to get to know someone well enough and the stars and planets align, well then that will be a huge bonus. Again, no pun intended!

In the meantime, a whole lot of power walking and viva la Durex I say! The damn washing machine is starting to look pretty good! Enjoy your week-end and if enjoy it if you’re getting some!

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#sex #durex #libido #women #letstalkaboutsex