Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”
– Carrie Bradshaw (Sex in the City)
The other night I had fully intended to go home and have a date night with myself – repaint my nails in gun-metal grey, take a long hot bath surrounded by scented candles whilst playing my favourite music, followed up by sitting around almost naked moisturising my skin pretending I was all that, and a bag of chips.
The kids were with their dad, and adult child hasn’t been home for a week (somehow he managed to be “exclusive” with his new girl within weeks…ah, how easy love is in your twenties!).
On my way home I called Bella for a chat and next thing you know we were sharing wine, great cheese and olives at her place! A girly night of conversation with the lovely Bella was much more fun…Of course!! We were chatting about single life in all its forms and how different life when you become single. Sometimes for a single chick, it feels like a cold old world, and sometimes it feels like a brilliant party, depending on where you’re at!
Bella is a huge believer that you are more likely to find compatible partners out here in the real world, as opposed to on-line dating. Now, I completely agree that it’s always nicer if you happen to meet someone face to face. There is instant attraction or not, you can see their body language, and hear their voice. You get an instant “feel” for someone.
Now if you’re reading this and you’re single, or you’ve been single in the last ten years, you may agree that as simple as it sounds, it’s not that bloody easy! Where pray tell do singles meet each other face to face these days? Bella suggested through mutual friends? Ah, but had she ever met anyone that way? Not really. Then something dawned on us.
When I was in coupled-up bliss, my friends meant the same to me regardless of their relationship status – single, married, defacto, separated; kids or no kids. If I wanted to invite them over, I just did. It never mattered to me if they had a man in their life or not. Single friends would come over for dinner, or wine and cheese with me and the Taurus.
Now what I’ve come to learn is that not everyone shares the same philosophy. I’m not sure if it’s happens as a conscious or unconscious process, (and I’m thinking it’s more unconscious) but the moment you become single, you seem to get a lot less dinner invitations from coupled-up friends! I have one brilliant group of friends that gets together a few times a year with their partners. My single status never negated an invitation which is brilliant, and comforting!
Now this may not be true of all single people who may very well be hanging out with their partnered friends. I’m just wondering if the days of the blind date set up are all but gone? In the last few years in the land of singles, no one has invited me over to try to “fix me up” with that friend from the office, or a partner’s mate. Not once!
Now I should add that I do some people who have met partners through mutual friends, which is lovely – but it seems to be a very rare happening in the rushed days of the modern age.
It seems to be true that not many people in my age bracket are throwing parties in their homes these days? A lot of my friends have already celebrated their 40th birthdays (and I was still married when I held mine). I’m now waiting around for other friends to turn 50! People seem only to celebrate huge milestone birthdays with parties these days. Okay, but I recently went to a 50th and I do not believe there was one eligible man there…all partnered up and good luck to them!
There is always the chance that singles can meet people in the work place though I can honestly say that I’ve not met anyone that I’ve considered dating in the work place in the last three years. That is no indictment on the people I work with – I’ve just never met anyone eligible that I felt any attraction to. It does happen for some, and I’m sure often but there are issues of professionalism and things get messy if the relationship doesn’t work out.
It’s not always easy being a single in a world of couples. Take for example the humble Christmas party. We all have a single thorn-in-your-side, and this for some strange reason is mine. Turning up to your work Christmas function sans-partner can be a pain in the arse. One year I was actually seated at a “singles” table. I kid you not. Thankfully my friends at work were not having a bar of that I sat with them. Good grief people!
My lovely friend the Grecian, who has recently found herself single, only last week said to me that I will most likely meet a dream partner through friends. So I asked her if she had any single male friends that she’d set me up with? Her response? “Oh God no!”. Sigh. So I rest my case. I live in a land of 40-something-non-committal-men! How is that possible?
To my partnered up friends, I say to you…consider all the single friends in your life and ask yourself, “Do I know anyone I would sincerely set this person up with?” Don’t be stingy and hide your single male pals! While I’m independent and having a lovely life, I wouldn’t hold it against you if you could hook a Good Girl up!
There are plenty of single women out here who are more than willing to say hello if you have a spare bachelor up your sleeve! You just never know your luck in the big city (or behind the picket fence!).