I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels.
Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”
Given that The Good Girl Confessional was born out of my new-found singledom and about my adventures of dating and sex from behind the picket fence, my mantra is that all good girls should be a little bad sometimes. It’s good for the soul.
We’ve all admired really iconic bad chicks throughout history. Those women that men wanted and women wanted to be. Those femme fatales that seem to possess beauty, brains and steaming hot sex appeal. Deep down, even the more timid amongst us wish we could sometimes be those girls. The head turning naughty girls that turn the heads of very bad boys.
So, speaking of bad boys, I was thinking about the roller coaster that is my “non-relationship” with the Producer.
Oops, I did it again! After three months of friendship, the Producer asked if we could possibly date…with the possibility of a relationship. That’s a lot of “possibilities”…Ah! The “R” word! He missed me (yeah, I missed him too), and we did, in a fashion, kind of…sort of…date for a few weeks recently but I realised that the bar had been raised for me. He still made my heart go pitter patter. That was a given. There is still mutual sizzling attraction going on. I just needed to honour myself. I wanted monogamy and I wanted it to be a relationship this time around. We’ve been doing this dance for a year, on and off. Two things have kept us both coming back. Our attraction to one another, and our friendship. I believe we value and care about each other.
Oh dear, has the Good Girl actually grown up, I hear you ask? Bless.
Writing the blog last week about my relationship with my Dad and how it’s influenced my choices in men, made me realise that while the Producer had a lot of the qualities I admire, he just isn’t on the same page right now. I realised I couldn’t continue an intimate liaison with him living on the sheer hope that it might develop into a bona-fide relationship. That I’d end up being his (one and only) girl. It would totally suck if he met someone else and he was leaving himself wide open to the possibility of that. I was single but not available, because I was seeing where things went, without any other static.
I wanted to see him regularly. I wanted him to want to see me. I wanted mutual communication…I wanted the beautiful thing we shared (we best not call it a relationship) with exclusivity…Sigh.
So, we’re friends (without benefits!). Again. I’m not sorry that I put my heart on the line. It’s always a risk but I’m proud I had the courage to do so. He has been reminded of what it feels like to be loved by another, and I deserve to feel that in my life also.
I’ve closed the door but I didn’t lock it. If he decides he’s ready for a relationship, and he’s got the courage to step in with both feet (and I happen to be free), awesome.
So my fearless self this week was thinking about the iconic women that I have admired so much over time. There have been so many – gorgeous Hollywood screen legends, musicians, artists, pin-up girls, writers, pioneering women. Now I’m not talking about all the modern hot-mess reality star type good-girls-gone-wild. I’m talking about women that I dig because I think they are brave and brilliant.
I have so many not on this list including Millicent Fawcett who started the National Union of Women’s Suffrage (The Suffragettes) to fight for the right for women to vote; and Madonna, total bad ass chick who lived life on her own terms, and Bettina Arndt – Aussie sex therapist, journalist and clinical psychologist who dared to talk about sex and women’s rights to enjoy it during the 70’s and beyond. And I would be remiss to add to my list, my incredible group of girlfriends – strong, independent and supportive women who have all influenced my life in so many ways. I salute you, chicks!
Everyone has a list of their favourites! Here’s a list of my top ten iconic bad girls (in no particular order on the love scale):
1. Mae West
“When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better.”
What’s not to love? The queen of the double entendre, Mae West (born Mary Jane West) was an actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter and sex symbol. She started in vaudeville and became the most controversial Hollywood star of her time, often facing censorship which made her more of a hot property.
2. Dita Von Teese
“Heels and red lipstick will put the fear of God into people.”
Sigh, and swoon. No one does pin-up chick quite like the sultry Dita Von Teese (born Heather Renee Sweet, ironically!). Once married to Marilyn Manson, the American Burlesque star is also a model, costume designer and actress who has made a fortune around her own brand. Credited with breathing life back into burlesque, she created trends rather than followed them.
3. Chrissy Amphlett
As I write this I am wearing the outfit I call my “ode to Chrissy”…(I didn’t actually realise I might be writing this today but it’s fitting that I’m wearing a little black tunic over a buttoned up white shirt and black stockings…). Chrissy Amphlett was the badass chick of Aussie rock when she fronted the DiVinyls and came out of nowhere in 1982, wearing cheeky too-short school uniforms, ripped tights, and red lipstick. Releasing 6 albums from 1982-1996, her iconic song “I touch myself” was risqué, controversial and became a global hit. Sadly the divine Miss Amphlett passed away this year.
4. Sarah Silverman
“I don’t set out to offend or shock, but I don’t do anything to avoid it.”
This American comedienne, writer and actress is renowned for her biting, satirical comedy and she can make this good girl laugh until champagne comes out of my button nose! Though she started on Saturday Night Live, her brand of comedy was so unique that she could only really be herself. Though she’s acted since the 90’s, she made her TV comedy stand up debut on the David Letterman show and launched her own series, The Sarah Silverman Show. She is brash and sometimes crude (except her stint in School of Rock, where she is just bitchy). Cheekily making fun of her own sex appeal (and this girl is hot), she is the bad girl of modern comedy.
5. Margaret Sanger
“No woman can call herself free who does not control her body.”
We owe a lot to the New York born social reformer and activist, Margaret Sanger. In 1910 she started a publication promoting a woman’s right to birth control (she coined the phrase), at a time when it was expected that women would hold their tongues. In 1916, she opened the first birth control clinic in the USA. She passed away in 1966, having spent her entire adult life campaigning for women’s rights. I, for one, solute you!
6. Marilyn Monroe
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
In a sea of Hollywood bimbettes, she stood out for her fearless sexuality. Raising herself out of a difficult childhood, Marilyn has been the muse of many (think Madonna and Gwen Stefani, and art work by Andy Warhol). The symbol of the blonde bombshell, this girl was savvier than originally given credit for. Only Marilyn could have sung to her married lover (also the president of the United states, Mr. Kennedy) in a breathless, siren’s voice in front of the entire world…and been applauded for it! Norma Jean transformed herself into one of the most iconic sex symbols of the last decade. Married and divorced three times, with a long list of famous lovers on her dance card, the sex siren with the little girl voice and daddy complex can still make men swoon long after the “candle burned out”.
7. Pam Grier
“I thought I would be Sheena of the Jungle when I was a little girl.”
Pam Grier is the first lady of the iconic “blaxploitation” flicks of the 1970’s. Her most famous being Foxy Brown in 1974 (which inspired the character of Foxy Cleopatra, played by Beyoncé in the Austin Power flick). This tough girl looked mighty hot whist holding a gun. In 1997 she appeared in Quentin Tarantino’s Jackie Brown (and got a Golden Globe nod, thanks very much). Linked to famous basketball players and Hollywood actors, she exercised her right to not marry. Pam is a kick ass action queen. (*insert karate chop*).
8. Naomi Wolf
“Women who love themselves are threatening; but men who love real women, more so.”
The author and former political consultant garnished most of her notoriety when she published her best-selling The Beauty Myth (Germaine Greer described the work as the most important feminist publication since her own The Female Eunuch), and became the spokesperson for what has now been called ‘the third wave of feminism’. Her more recent work Vagina was less controversial but her work seems to attract polarised views from the public, and applause from feminist groups. This feminine feminist has proven that she doesn’t need balls to make it in a man’s world. She has a vagina and in the words of Betty White, those things can take a pounding.
9. Frida Kahlo
“I tried to drown my sorrows but the bastards learnt how to swim.”
The vibrant and intense works of this Mexican artist are some of the most iconic in the world. Best known for herself, Frida lived her life in defiance of pain and suffering. Aged 18, after a near fatal accident that left her with a broken spinal column and pelvis, Kahlo was in a full body cast for 3 months. She painted self portraits and her work is celebrated for her uncompromising depiction of the female form. She married the much older artist Diego Rivera, divorced him years later and promptly remarried him. Openly bisexual, she had affairs with men and women and was carried into her art exhibition on a bed when unable to walk. A communist, she was friends with Leon Trotsky amongst other. Frida gave convention the bird, and is the only woman I know who could rock a hairy top lip with total credibility!
10. Jane Austin
“To flatter and follow others, without being flattered and followed in return, is but a state of half enjoyment.”
My list could never be complete without Jane. The English Author’s works are filled with biting irony, realism and social commentary of the English gentry all wrapped up in the guise of romantic novels. In the early 1800’s she produced some of the greatest works of her generation and wrote with fearless conviction. In 1813, Pride and Prejudice was published, and within those pages, Austen created the quintessential bad boy, Mr. Darcy. Her books contained many strong female characters who were steadfast in their convictions whilst still being somewhat vulnerable and accessible. Tame by today’s standards, she dared to thumb her nose at the convention and constraints of her era. Many of her books have been transformed into multiple TV series and films, and films about her life have also been made, such is her appeal even today. Jane was writing against her social norm given the era, but one message rang true – that women were often capable and defiant.
Ah, to have that kind of kick ass badness every day!
Who are the badass chicks you most admire?
#Maewest #Chrissyamphlett #bettinaarndt #janeaustin #ditavonteese #Madonna #fridakhalo #Marilynmonroe #janeaustin #pamgrier #naomiwolf #mayaangelou #margaretsanger #sarahsilverman #suffragettes