I want you sore, baby,” he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward. “Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.” – Christian Grey

E. L. James – Fifty Shades of Grey

Bondage

Is it just me or has the world gone crazy for a bit of sadomasochism since the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy was dubbed “mummy porn” and made it to the mainstream consciousness of middle class western society?! I have said this before and it’s so true…E.L. James has managed to do what women’s magazines have been trying to do for years – she’s managed to legitimize soft porn and have housewives all over the world suddenly wanting to have their arse’s smacked! You go Erika!

Why just today over my morning coffee I was reading an article in The Age about divided reactions to the new production by The Rambles of The Story of O, playing as part of the MTC (Melbourne Theatre Company) Neon Festival of Independent Theatre. Of course the erotic tale, written in 1954 by Pauline Reage is no stranger to controversy. Even by today’s standards it’s much more confronting than the slightly more vanilla 50 Shades!

According to The Age article, some audience members have walked out prior to the ending to this particular production, cringing at the idea of a woman’s submission to the desires of a group of men. It is confronting, sure (more so because you never really know why she is hell-bent on this kind of treatment), but our fascination and curiosity with sadomasochism seems not to be fading any time soon!

Erotic fiction, especially for women, is on the rise and more women are escaping into a world probably unlike their own through books and film. More sex shops have gone main stream with their advertising, showing groups of every day women shopping together on more wholesome billboards prominently displayed everywhere around town. This of course goes a long way to enticing every day people into sex shops to buy a range of things with less embarrassment. I was recently having dinner with a group of people who all quite openly chatted about visiting such stores, and were not shy about their purchases.

Let’s face it, in this day and age, it’s quite common place for women of all cultures, socioeconomic backgrounds and ages to own a vibrator. It’s probably more unusual if women don’t! They were quite openly talked about in Sex in the City as they are amongst articles in women’s magazines. Why would they not be?

I took a trip into an inner city sex shop recently in preparation for this blog and let me tell you that it’s all brightly lit with endless orderly shelves of colourful toys. Everywhere you looked there was something new to look at. They stock everything from fun novelties for hen’s nights to more extreme items for those passed the experimental stages of S&M.

 It’s set up to be so clean and shiny that, apart from the inventory, it could be any other novelty store!

According to Tamara, the very articulate and well-groomed woman running the store, since the popularity of books like 50 Shades of Grey, sales of bondage gear have gone up significantly (think leather handcuffs, latex stockings, collars, whips, latex tie ropes…well, you get the idea). Apparently so have the sales of more mainstream sex play apparatus – vibrators, lubricants, condoms, dress up costumes, and definitely thigh high stockings…Tamara says that it’s so mainstream that they consistently see a stream of housewives (many who are regulars) visiting the store, as well as heterosexual and gay couples, and singles of all ages. According to Tamara, many women want to add spice to their sex lives and it’s not uncommon for men to drop in to buy sexy lingerie or costumes for their partners.

I have a number of friends who have admitted to purchasing lots of fun things from on-line stores. You only have to search the internet to see that it is big business. On-line shopping of course allows those feeling a little shy, or pushed for time the convenience of shopping from the privacy of your own home.

Apparently women everywhere are getting their freak on! Good for you girls.

And what’s wrong with a little bit of experimentation? We are all adults here. As long as you are consenting adults and all parties feel safe, I say whatever takes your fancy!

In the lively conversations amongst my friends, quite a few women I know have been tied up (or have restrained their partners), or been blind folded, or spanked with an open hand, or with black latex gloves (or a whip), or have participated in a threesome, or worn bondage gear, or dressed up in sexy little costumes (think school girls or cowgirls)…or a combination of all of the above. Of course that is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of S&M and fetishes (I know of a girl who doesn’t like to have sex unless she’s wearing stockings). If you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, or anything along those lines, you won’t be shocked! The most commonly chatted about are shoe fetishes, guys that like to wear the occassional pair of silk panties but there are far too many to mention here!

I went on a couple of dates with a guy quite some time ago – a brooding chef, who after a couple of dates called me to confess that he had a major fetish and needed to see how I felt about it. Now, in the Confessional Room, there is no judgment and I listened patiently. Turns out the chef has a thing for pregnant women and wanted to know if I might be willing to pretend to be pregnant if we made it to the bedroom (I’m talking padding and all)…well, let’s just say the chef was never going to make it to the bedroom! He wasn’t really sure where the fetish came from and I was quite relieved he told me early on.  It was great that he was honest. It was a bridge too far for me.  

If you’ve been following the blog, it won’t be any great surprise that the Producer had leanings towards bondage. Though he swears he’s not a dominant like Christian Grey, that boy had a way of making even this strong independent chic just a little more subservient! In fact, even though the concept for the Good Girl Confessional blog was born sometime before the Producer and I met, (I had been tossing up between several names for the blog) it was meeting him that cemented the name!

There is nothing vanilla about the Producer as you can imagine and nor was any time I spent with him but one night he changed things completely when he walked up behind me, wrapped his strong arms around me pulling me back into him and whispered, in a slightly sinister tone “Are you going to be a good girl for me?”…sigh!

Think knees going week, and a heavy sigh passing my painted red lips! So began another odyssey into the world of the Producer. I was a little surprised at how quickly I jumped on board!  He took my hand and led me down the rabbit hole and I quite willingly followed. Well, I am a Good Girl after all!

In all honestly, I think trust plays a major factor in all things hot and steamy and I completely trusted the Producer, never feeling threatened or concerned. That and the fact that the Producer always treated me with respect and like an equal beyond the bedroom door, and was an experienced teacher!

 I think that’s the key to spicing things up! You need to feel comfortable, and safe and you should always know your limits. What works for some may not work for others. What you might enjoy with one partner might be completely off the menu when you meet someone new. I guess the thing is, there is nothing wrong with being a little naughty sometimes! Go out there and get your freak on occasionally. It’s good for the soul.

As the saying goes, when I’m good, I’m very good…but when I’m bad…okay, you get the drift!

 

Taglines: #50shadesofGrey #GoodGirl #Bondage #S&M #TheAge #ELJames #sexinthecity